yes I love to be in female clothes as much as possible. I am not gay, as in I don't fancy or feel sexually attracted to men, but I do strive to look as female as possible when out and about. I do have a curiosity to gay sex but only for the what is it like to be penetrated by a real penis. Yes I do have plugs, didoes and other anal toys, yes wife does peg me that I enjoy. So the bottom line is how do I fit into this world of having to conform to a pidgeon hole ?
Why would you want to fit into a pidgeon hole? Why would any of us? The beauty of humans is their individuality and uniqueness plus ability to stand tall and say this is who i am.
On a different note, cant wait to see your pics phil! I love to get my man to dress in sexy female undeware- it soo turns me on. That sort of thing has turned me on since i was a teenager. I am completly straight, obsessed with my mans cock!
When i brought my children up i always told them i was attracted to men in womens clothes. They were fine with it as young kids and still are as young adults. They just think i am individual, and they ae too.
Alone4ever, I understand the evolution thing, and don't worry you didn't make me feel worse, I was only saying that I had already thought about it and that it is part of my thinking of why being male is better.
I understand what you are saying, but I don't feel like that. I feel some pleasure at the moment, and some excitement, then, a thought comes in my mind about how I am only there to provide good sex to the other because I am female, or how I may feel good but the other feels better, etc, and then it screws it all. Evething that is stoping me is rational, while sex is not something rational, that's why both don't go together and i'm having that much trouble with all this. (even though all those thoughts are highly unrational because they are based on experiences and feelings and i'm stills ticking to them)
What you are describing me sounds more of a deep feeling, really like you have nothing to do with being male so you don't enjoy it. Did I understand you right?
Mamz, I might be completely off the wagon here, but I think your only problem is you are not enjoying sex. That can have a lot of reasons and gender or sexual roles imposed by society or reproductive organs have nothing to do with it! I am a woman, I get easily turned on, I am attracted by a naked penis quite easily (especially if it's my husband's ;)), I can orgasm from penetration within a couple of minutes while my husband takes a bit longer (usually because he wants to). I enjoy sex much-much more than masturbation, I get turned on and sexually aroused by giving him a blowjob for example. I do feel there is gender equality in our bedroom, we both give and take pleasure too. I also usually get to have two or more orgasms while he will have just the one (or maybe none as Sex Squid described). So what you are saying has nothing to do with the generalisation of being a woman. It is you as an individual that cannot enjoy sex for some reason (maybe for what you hint at as "unpleasant past experiences"?), and this reason might be physical, but I tend to agree with alone4ever that it's more of the psychological / mental barrier type. I used to not have orgasms too, and it took the fall of a mental barrier for me to start having them. And it also takes the right person to do it with. I hope you will be able to get passed of whatever is holding you back, because it is not the lack of an Y chromosome.
Alone4ever, I imagine you feeling you have put yourself for her to use in addition of the "shy did I just do that" one? I know how that feels. And I also understand the part of you wanting to try this time because maybe this one time it's gonna feel ok but then it brings you down because you start thinking that trying doesn't make anything better. Do I understand you right? Because this describes very much how I feel.
You should definitely try with a man. It would probably be a mix of what you like from both, so why not just try and you'll know! That or maybe you'd love being penetrated by a woman with a penis? That one is harder to find though, but she would definitely understand you and the way you feel better than anyone you've ever been sith has ever done.
So are you identifying yourself as a woman or as a man with a strong female alter-ego / side? Sorry to ask because I know you have already explained it but I think I am a bit confused.
Era, I know some women enjoy sex, and your situation as you described it is pretty much how I would like it to be for me (if I would have been able to get over the fact that i am convinced that the penis feels more pleasure than the vagina).
I do set a psychological barrier that's preventing me from enjoying sex. I am aware of that, but I am afraid of letting it go as I would feel like I would be accepting the fact that i can,t feel the same amount of pleasure. I do orgasm, but rarely by penetration, and I think every sexual act is more pleasurable for a man than the same act done on a woman so the orgasm is there, but all the rest was not like "worth it" as much as on a man.
I just went to my third psy appointment, and she also seem to think that all those past experiences have setting a wall that kept me from feeling pleasure.
Oh, and I honestly don't think it is 'natural' or 'normal' or 'common' for women not to enjoy sex. I think nature has built us all, men and women alike, in such a way we could enjoy our sexual encounters. I also reject the idea that most women can't enjoy penetration. I believe that we have been preconditioned (aka 'brainwashed') by society (and religions) during centuries of generations to 'think' that women can't or shouldn't enjoy sex. But I don't think this is natural at all. It is what women were made to become, and it is an invalid concept in today's western civilisations so there is hope our children will start breaking this stigma down and live more freely their sexualities. I know I might be unpopular with my views, but I am a firm believer that physically enjoying penetrative sex is in our nature as human beings, and we are all capable. We have built so many mental / social / religious / emotional / reasoning barriers for ourselves, our bodies (genes) 'started forgetting' that we can.
Era, I don't think your views are that unpopular. In fact I love reading your point of view because knowing that some think of it this way reassures me a bit.
Yes, you can feel the same amount of pleasure. It is your own barrier that keeps you from it so you're putting yourself in a vicious circle. I used to think I had sexual gratification from masturbation. And I used to think: huh, what's the big idea?. And I once asked a man what was an orgasm supposed to feel like as I didn't get all the hype around it. And his answer was: "You'll know it when you'll have one". That is a very spot on advice. You might think now you are getting orgasms as I did before actually getting one from my husband (the night he proposed), but I knew it exactly what it was only when I got one. You just have these ideas that guys have it better and easier, but I don't believe they do. It is not your vagina stopping you to enjoy sex, it is your brain. I've been there, I should know.
Do you want to tell me more about what was stopping you fromenjoying sex?
I know there is different intensity of orgasms like some just feel mehh and others are amazing. But the problem is when I have amazing ones, I feel really great and close to my partner and happy, and a few days later I feel like "yeah this was not that great, sex isn't that great" and all. It's like I am more used to have a negative view of it all so when I have a positive one, it doesn't stay for long.
I am not comfortable in sharing these details. Let's just say I was 'preconditioned' too due to past experiences and education that my role as a 'respectable' woman is not to enjoy sex. I have fought these ideas all my life, but they were rooted deeply in my subconscious. I don't think it is a coincidence that my first ever 'real' orgasm happened the night my now husband proposed. He then 'made me a respectable woman' and in my mind some of the barriers I had have fallen.
Your demons might be different than mine, but you sound like you have them too and you'll need to work on those...
Of course I have demons and I have been working on them for long time and still am. I have started a seeing a therapist (it's the 3rd i've consulted) and I am hoping it helps. I am aware of my demons and know what they are, I simply am not able to fight them on my own.
Would you feel confortable to tell me how you fought yours? or was it simply the proposal that broke the barrier?
I have had results with therapy. But oddly enough, as far as orgasms are concerned, yes, ever since that first time I never had a problem orgasming anymore. I might have the odd day off when I will not get there, but this happens to all men and women so it doesn't worry me the slightest. I still have demons to fight (that influence my sexuality) and I will get therapy for those too now. But I do have the most amazing husband to support me and I don't think there are many that could have done the job he's done on me. Feeling unconditionally loved by him made and still makes the difference for my every battle! That's why I advocate that having the right person beside you is also very important.
The fact that our minds block some feelings is just normal. We couldn't live with that much pain everyday so we find a way to put it aside and live. It is a great and bad thing at the same time. What helps though is knowing your own patterns, knowing how your mind works and all the defense mechanisms that we tend to use. Knowing that, we can fight it better and not let ourselves be controled by our fears or pains that are hidden deep inside.
About the part where you said a vagina and a penis is the same but inside out, I don't agree. The clitoris is que equivalent of the glans, but the vagina isn't made of anything that the penis is made of I believe. It's not the same tissu so there is no way it is the same thing.
You simply need a person who is open minded or pansexual. I'm sure you will find it, I don't know why someone wouldn't love someone because of a thing like that. You seem to be surrounded by pretty close minded people so maybe that's why you don't feel fully accepted and don't find the right person, but as you said, there is hope.
How am I gonna get out of that? I feel like there is nothing I can do but give up on pleasure (accepting the fact that I am a woman and that I'm there for the other's pleasure instead of having some for myself too). God I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to live with that all my life and be depressed about it forever
Just give therapy a chance. I can't say anything different than what I already said above, but you said you are starting therapy and that might help.
However, until this is the wording in your brain: "the fact that I am a woman and that I'm there for the other's pleasure instead of having some for myself" - as long as this is how you put to words what you feel, I fear that your blocks are also self-inducted and self-harmful by choice. There are a lot of women in the world, and I'm sure on this forum also, that will take offence of this sentence and disagree. Myself included. What you feel is not a fact, it is a subjective perception. I have had traumas and have had a tormented relationship with my own sexuality and men and pleasure and self-esteem for most of my young life, but I never believed I had no right to enjoy sexual pleasure. Even when I couldn't. In several posts you expressed yourself in a feminist manner, well, this sentence goes entirely against that. So ask yourself this: do you BELIEVE you are entitled to enjoy sex? You don't sound like you do. You sound like you have a whole fortress built around the concept you can't / won't enjoy it, and you just expect others (men) to break down your walls. It's almost like a dare: you expect them to give you something, but you continue to put obstacles in their (and your own) way.
I honestly believe you can get to the point of unblocking your enjoyment, but 1) you need to want it and work for it, 2) you need the right man by your side. These are both very important conditions. I can't know about your n. 2, but I think you are not entirely ready for n.1...
i've been working on that for 2 years already and i'm with an amazing man. There are up and downs but right now it's a down and I don't feel like I can get up again.
I don't think I cannot enjoy sex, I only think i can't enjoy penetration like a man can and that is what stops me from enjoying because when the though comes up it turns me off instantly.
And please, don't be offended by what I say because i'm not saying such things to get people angry. In facyt, i'd like to believe the opposite
I understand if it is not something you feel comfortable in sharing, let alone on a public forum, so please feel free not to, but may I ask what the root of this issue might be? I imagine it's a sexual trauma, maybe an assault, or even rape, but I might be completely off... I wish I could help you and make you believe that penetration is as good for us ladies, as for the guys. My husband actually says he perceives it as ours (women's) to be more complex as in we feel more sensations during our orgasm than they do. Of course this is just a theory and I honestly don't think that there is a way in saying objectively who feels what and how intensely.
I do think though that until you confine yourself in the idea that "you're only there for his pleasure" - and you keep insisting it can't happen, it won't. Your mind is very powerful, but it can be reprogrammed. Just keep working on it. May I also ask how old are you?
I'm 21 and the 3 first years of my sex life have been non-consentual. I was manipulated into saying yes (because I was first saying no but then learned to let go and just shut up) by my partner at the time who was psychologically violent.
You are very young. You of course can not say when this ordeal happened because life at LH starts at 18... :( But I would say this is way too recent to have been left in the past. You should give yourself time. My trauma happened 12 years before my first orgasm I told you about, and I have been sexually active with others for 8 years before I met my husband. I have been in therapy several times concentrating on this issue, and even though I had some results, as I mentioned I still have occasional drawbacks. Not just because of my trauma, but for other reasons too. So it is a tough process and a very long one. Honestly, you just need to give yourself time. To heal, to process, to digest, to reprogram. I honestly believe you can get there. Have faith though. This is step one. Do not give up. It's way too early for you to give up.
How could you be happy with not having any orgasm during 8 years? That's the kind of things that gets me depressed and makes me think that I will never enjoy sex. Plus I feel frustrated when i'm not satisfied.
I just don't know how to live with that until the day it'll be ok if this day comes.