I enjoyed sex and penetration. I just never orgasmed with men. I occasionally had a quick relief from clitoral masturbation. Just for the sake of it, not for the pleasure. I knew I was missing something, but did not know what exactly as I never had an orgasm since starting an active sexlife. Again, I still enjoyed sex and penetration, just never had 'that' pleasure from it. But for me, I always believed I will get there, I always wanted sex and pleasure from it. So for me it was a conscious choice of therapy too. I had barriers to brake and I thought 'repetitio est mater studiorum'... I never put pressure on myself though. I just thought, well, it will happen when it will happen. And it did. And I was older than you are now.
You need to believe it can happen. I'm telling you it can. You also need to take the pressure off. According to your own words, you are there, enjoying it, but then ruin it for yourself thinking "what's the point?". That is why I am stressing this out so much: if you have the right partner, this pressure should go away. My partner knew all about my problems and my issues. He never treated me differently. Life was normal for us, sex was normal. I had no pressure from him or from myself to do anything.
But, most importantly, you need to allow yourself to believe it is possible and allow yourself time to heal. It will not happen overnight and might not happen for years to come. Therapy can help, I firmly believe that. I recognise elements of guilt over what you experienced. Correct me if I'm wrong. But guilt, especially the victim's guilt, is something difficult to shed without professional help. And if I'm right, the guilt is your biggest enemy here.
Thanks to you both. It is helping to read such comments and advices.
Maybe I could be able to enjoy vaginal sex, but my partner would need to be really good. I already feel like i'm putting too much pressure on him and he is being hard on himself because of that. I don,t want him to feel pressured or to feel bad about it but I don't want to feel sad ans unsatisfied either. I know it's not only on him but if I put the pressure on myself it's even worse. I don't think that I could just accept it if things are not pleasurable, so there'll still be pressure.
And to correct you Era, i'm not feeling guilt anymore. I've felt it before but I think that this part is now solved, unless i'm just putting the blame on my anatomy now instead of myself (which actually would make sens).
Very well put, a4e, I just hope mamz will take our advice...
Alone4ever, it really helps to know that i'm not alone (I know it's the same for you). Sometimes I even think about you at night when I can't sleep and it helps me a lot.
Era, please don't take it personally when I disagree with your sayings. It's just a way of thinking that I can't help and it takes just a little more efforts somethimes to get me to understand or to give up my thinking patterns.
Thank you both, it does help to have two people saying the same and trying to make me understand. It helped a lot too to see that I just tell a4e things that I don't apply to myself.
When i'm too scared of sex sometimes it comes to a point when I become scared of intimacy too. It is the case right now and my bf let me know yesterday that it was tough for him. We established that we can be intimate together and only that (so no sex) until I feel safe and ready for something more. No pressure, only love. That's because of you two. I am still scared but at least willing to try to bring back the intimacy that had been taken away for a week and a half. So thanks againfor helping me to take a first step.
Don't worry, mamz, I know your heart is in the right place and I am not offended. I just wanted you to see that you are making general statements for a subjective view, and that was not fair. Not fair for me who sees it in a different manner, not fair for me who has come out of a similar situation, and not fair to you as you are depriving yourself of a solution by being stubborn.
I am happy you are able to make compromises in your relationship. Feel free to come back, rant or ask further questions anytime, I only shared my story because I really wanted to help you (I don't usually like putting too much of myself online).
a4e, I honestly hope you will soon find that love. You sound like you are in a good place right now with yourself, as much as possible, so I hope someone will see the kind heart that lies within you.
I'm sure you will ear of this again because i'm far from when it'll be ok. I still have a lot of work and therapy to do so i'm gonna have some other downs on the road.
I forgot to say it but I agress with Era. I'm sure a4e that you will find someone to love and who loves you back. All you have to do is know that you diserve love, and be happy with yourself (having a good relationship with yourself before having one with someone else. you seem to already have it but i'm sure on some points there is still work to do, as you are human after all). But don't forget that if you do find that person, there is still a possibility that it may not be perfect and that your problems are still more present than you think.
You seem to be wanting to fit into a certain orientation and idendity rather than just be "that is who I am and I don't care if I can't name it". Am i wrong or is it just due to the fact that you wanted me to understand exaclty who you are?
Thanks for sharing that with me! I'd love to have that conversation with you in real life but sadly I can't.
I only have one question about your gender idendity. What do you call yourself now? A man? A woman? A trans? Etc
Sex squid is great. I went back in that thread to read what he said abd I can say je was spot on with my problem. It made me reread a part and i feel that I've gone a long way since then and I can only thank you for that! A big part of it is because of you
I am so glad you are expressing yourself as alicia now. I try not to call you a4e anymore as it is not you and it is a bit pessimist.
And you may be right, women tend to be more accrpting of guys who have a feminine side. Many even are seeking that (I guess I am one of them)
And it's so sad that you had to quit your job for that again :( this really can't be a thing again! You are telling me I am giving up too quick and am letting myself down at the first little thing that occures but you are doig the same yourself!! How many times a boss almost made me cry and I just decided to stay there to show them how wrong they are. Work on that because as you said, people on here are accepting but it's far from that in real life so if you don't change that it'll always be like that and you'll never be able to be your real self witj people. I believe in you abd know you can do it babe
I get you :(
Don't think I am being hard on you or anything, because I think you are already so strong for being where you are right now. Plus I understand it must be hard to have a woman being mean with you as it is like a conflict between that women not accepting you as a sister as well as a woman being abusive on you like in the past.
That's why I don't like most women, some can be total bitches and that's just too much drama to deal with.
I do hope you recover well from this one, because I don't want to see you unemployed and not knowing where your life is heading :(
Just a woman in gender but pansexual and demisexual in sexuality here. :)
Recent conversation highlights the levels of understnading general public seem to have:
me: *talks about ex girlfrind*
G: Oh I didn't know you were bisexual?
me: I'm not I'm actually pansexual
G: what is that? one of those new age things?
me: No it's more than my sexual attraction isn't limited to two genders I'm open to sexual attraction to anyone regardless of their place on or off of the gender spectrum.
G: Oh okay. So what sort of girls do you find attractive? Like celebrities?
me: Well I'm actually also demisexual which is wher-
G: This is way too confusing!
At this point I leave to have a conversation with someone new. As a side note I don't really fancy celebrities as I need an emotional connection before I find someone sexyally attractive. Like I can appreciate that some people look better than others but I don't get the instant sexual attraction thing.
alone4ever wrote:
Do you think I should ask Leanne, if I can change my avitar name to Alicia?
Sorry to butt in, but I definitely think you should, as Alicia is the name you are most comfortable with xxx
I am gutted for you on the employment front - people can be so harsh, especially if they can sense vulnerability - I guess it makes them feel powerful. I just hope it comes and bites them on the arse one day.
Look after yourself and be whoever you want to be xxx
Yeah it seems really weird having those two parts of you and those two opposite feelings. but I am glad I helped you realise something about yourself and why you are affected that much by what women act with you.
And yes, I mean a combination of both.
I am guessing you may need some time to clear that a bit for yourself becausr reading this it seems all weird and blurred now
lovingnewtoys wrote:
alone4ever wrote:
Do you think I should ask Leanne, if I can change my avitar name to Alicia?
Sorry to butt in, but I definitely think you should, as Alicia is the name you are most comfortable with xxx
I am gutted for you on the employment front - people can be so harsh, especially if they can sense vulnerability - I guess it makes them feel powerful. I just hope it comes and bites them on the arse one day.
Look after yourself and be whoever you want to be xxx
Most definitely! Just like I suggested in the other thread becausr you are not alone for ever now, you are Alicia. If you feel like it really you should ak her. I am sure she will understand.
I truly think you have more than valid reason to make the request and am pretty sure Leanne will see it this way too.
Fingers crossed, and I look forward to officially welcoming Alicia to the forums xxx
How about Alicia4ever? Xx
lovingnewtoys wrote:
I truly think you have more than valid reason to make the request and am pretty sure Leanne will see it this way too.
Fingers crossed, and I look forward to officially welcoming Alicia to the forums xxx
How about Alicia4ever? Xx
That would be so cute
alone4ever wrote:
You found her, you have named her. I will e-mail customer service in the am. Thanks Babes
Alicia since you quitted your job and I am off for a couple more weeks that means we both have some spare time. I'm currently setting up my blog so I am reinviting you to write about your process if you would like to :)
alone4ever wrote:
Why wait!! E-mail sent. Yaaa, girl power.
Awwww - I'll be at work tomorrow, so let me be the first to welcome Alicia4ever - a bit previous I know, but it will all be good.
Xxxxx
alone4ever wrote:
mamz wrote:
Alicia since you quitted your job and I am off for a couple more weeks that means we both have some spare time. I'm currently setting up my blog so I am reinviting you to write about your process if you would like to :)
It may do me good, so thank you yes I will, I don't know how to, from a technical prospective, but Yes.
It's up to you, really. In fact I am on a free blogging plateform so I can't costumize anything so there is nothing really technical. Just write what you like and how you want to do it and for now it'll be that ( untill I have my own site)