Last few months I have been trying to get my wife to be dirtier as in use toys on her own and let me catch her at it with her toys but I always have to start it by leaving toys hidden under duvet and then go back downstairs. That doesn't always work until I get back upstairs. I love the thought of her using toys and playing with herself want her to do it more. Anything you can suggest or just wait till she does it in her own time
I am in the same boat as yourself and hopefully this thread can help me too...
Mm..an interesting one! Took me years before I felt comfortable enough to let my OH watch me! It's about letting go and it's not always easy. Have you tried masturbating her, getting her to join in and then backing off but keeping within reach incase she does feel insecure!
Knowing that you're there if she feels strange and she can turn to you and for you to take back over might be helpful! See how you go, but just expecting her to do it I think is adding to the problem here!
Thanks Ozz once were in bed yes she will use toys on herself with me watching and I think she is comfortable with it. I just she would do it with me downstairs don't know why just something kinky in me I suppose. Also if I was at work and the kids weren't at home and she would send me a text of what she was doing well that would be amazing
How about talking to her? Or, if you have, and feel like actual communication won't cut it, how about start introducing simultaneous (not mutual) masturbation in front of each other? Or even back to back for starters and taking it gradually from there.
Edit: talk to her openly bout your desires. And see where that leads you.I found what worked for me was just being upfront and talking about it. If you ask her what fantasies she has and then return the favour I'm sure eventually you will both feel comfortable in front of each other. It has to be give and take and it can be a slow process getting that comfortable.
Bob a job wrote:
Thanks Ozz once were in bed yes she will use toys on herself with me watching and I think she is comfortable with it. I just she would do it with me downstairs don't know why just something kinky in me I suppose. Also if I was at work and the kids weren't at home and she would send me a text of what she was doing well that would be amazing
Agh I see. The sneaky factor!! Just what the guys have said here, talk and talk some more! That's the only way we keep it real between us. It's great that she's comfy in bed doing it, that's a good start isn't it? Has she wanted the role reversed I need to ask!Does she want to watch you without you knowing?
Ozz she has caught me and most of the time it's not through her knowladge just me being horny as hell. If in morning when the kids are up she will sometimes go downstairs and say I will think of you upstairs playing with yourself while she does the dishes or something. So we are on the right track but it's always me who starts the playing. We have a lot of toys but they seem to stay in the secret spot till I get them out
Totally different but Ozz noticed on one of your pics you have the mains powered wand anygood. Like the pics keep it up
Maybe she's a little shy about initiating any toy using, or she simply doesn't want to use toys without you there so you don't feel left out. Communication is key to getting what you both want sexually!
My Mrs regards masturbation as a private activity and just wondering if it is the same with your OH . Sometimes not everything is meant to be shared perhaps this is one of them .
Talking is key, but there are things you can do. Try instigating dirty texts, saying that you are horney, saying that your getting excited at the thought of coming home and catching her playing with her toys. A few suggestions of what you would like to do to her maybe as a reward for allowing you to catch her in the act.
If she is shy it is often easier to talk dirty and express your desires by text, it's less embarrassing, and she has time to think about the request and maybe get her confidence up before you come home.
Have you as a family ever played cludo?
Maybe dirty cludo is an option. Caught in the act Mrs X was in the bath with rabbit vibrator. Or Mrs X was on the kitchen table with the glass dildo. She might return with her wishes like Mr W in the lounge with a stroker.
It might work. Worth a try.
If you are using the same language with her i.e. asking her to be dirty, dirtier etc you could be putting her off by making her actually feel like she is doing something dirty. Could be worth a conversation to see if she'd prefer you used terms like playful rather than dirty. Many women are lead to believe that masturbating is dirty in the bad sense of the word, if she is one of them you don't want to reinforce this through choice of language.
She would also probably be more up for it if you spelled it out clearly that the idea of 'catching' her turns you on immensely, rather than hinting at it by leaving the toys (although you could also clearly state that when the toys are there they are an open invitation and you'd find it a turn on if she took you up on it). Being subtle can lead to confusion and if she is in any way unsure of what you're expecting of her, she could be clamming up and waiting until you clarify before she does anything. It could be very worth your while to have a regular conversation about this when no one is turned on/expecting anything.
Bob a job wrote:
Totally different but Ozz noticed on one of your pics you have the mains powered wand anygood. Like the pics keep it up
May I say fucking fantastic!? there I just did. She's my delightful buzzy bee :) Let's put it this way Bob, I feel the nerve ending in my toes quiver, it's that good! x
Don't be so let down that it's you taking the bull by the horns by way of getting the toys out yourself! Do you think your Oh is a shy bee? There's nothing wrong with that but you really need to talk! Maybe she's pre occupied with the kids, it can zap that flirty feel when you're thinking about pack lunches etc haha. Talk and re discover a way through, that makes her feel comfortable. If she can't then it'll be down to you to show her that at the end of the day, you love each other and have great sex plus a little family, so we need to be grateful for the wider picture too here. Shit I sound like a friggen agongy aunt! I'm not really! xx
Thank you for the compliment x
I think the best thing to do is just let her decide on her own, by hiking tidy for her and stuff it like you're deciding when she masturbates which isn't helpful.
you can only push someone so far, if they don't want they don't want to, she might not enjoy masturbation, or the idea of you knowing, but you're not giving her chance to do it herself. Stop thinking about it and pushing her and she might surprise you, if not, she just doesn't want to, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it if it's something she doesn't want to do, without making her uncomfortable
I've been wishing for this from my wife for over 10 years. There comes a point when you realise she will never feel confident enough to do it or it doesn't appeal to her and you have to move on cause resentment or forcing the issue causes more issues.
McGlovin wrote:
I've been wishing for this from my wife for over 10 years. There comes a point when you realise she will never feel confident enough to do it or it doesn't appeal to her and you have to move on cause resentment or forcing the issue causes more issues.
That's such a shame..but it was over 10yrs before I would let loose! Sooooo...... where there's a will there's a way. For me when I started to masturbate in front of my OH, he would lay there next to me, and I would tell him not to watch! He could feel me as I was pleasuring myself but couldn't look. Then he would lay across the bottom of the bed playing with my legs or feet and that felt ok because he was out of my eye line.
Now he watches me all the time and of course joins in.
It just progressed from there really, building blocks in the head, one at a time. We're all different, that's what makes us unique don't you think. Never give up on your partner x
My Wife was a "prim and proper, Once a fortnight, Vanilla if your lucky" type until I bought her a kindle! Yes a Kindle! She started reading kinky books and realised that no one would know what she was reading so the books got kinkier and kinkier! This got her juices flowing, quite literally! And got her inquisitive side wanting to see if it was as good as it said in the books! Turns out it is! Now there is nothing we haven't tried, and I mean nothing! anal was a "no way in a million years" but now it is the main thing we do! Only thing we haven't done is swinging or sharing as we are 100% exclusive! It has obviously been made easier by being able to order all our toys, lingerie and bondage gear from LoveHoney as again its discreet and like our sex life we can do it in the privacy of our own home with out anyone having a clue! My OH loves how we can keep our kinky sex life so private that everyone still thinks she's the same old prim and proper prude! Lol
Yes man wrote:
My Wife was a "prim and proper, Once a fortnight, Vanilla if your lucky" type until I bought her a kindle! Yes a Kindle! She started reading kinky books and realised that no one would know what she was reading so the books got kinkier and kinkier! This got her juices flowing, quite literally! And got her inquisitive side wanting to see if it was as good as it said in the books! Turns out it is! Now there is nothing we haven't tried, and I mean anything, anal was a "no way in a million year" but now it is the main thing we do! Only thing we haven't done is swinging or sharing as we are 100% exclusive! It has obviously been made easier by being able to order all our toys, lingerie and bondage gear from LoveHoney as again its discreet and like our sex life we can do it in the privacy of our own home with anyone having a clue! My OH loves how we can keep our kinky sex life so private that everyone still thinks she's the same old prim and proper prude! Lol
Funnily enough that is exactly like my Mrs . It was 50 shades series for her that changed. our sex lives And whilst we don't go as far as you 2 do it is a big improvement seeing her bent over a desk waiting for a spanking . If it was anything it was me who was the reluctant spanker.
But going back to the original poster I don't think its something he can force upon her. lIke I said before maybe its not her thing but I am sure there will be plenty of other options and exciting things to explore together . But start with small steps and see what happens.