I need some help and advice :( my boyfriend is the only sexual partner I have ever had. I love romantic sex it's all about the intimacy for me and i get scared quite easily. He gives me that but he loves sex with me on all fours, facing the wall, holding the head rest, lying on my tummy etc. I try to please him but I don't know why when I get in these positions I get so depressed. I want to please him but its like my body shuts down, I feel afraid, I'm scared because I can't see him, I get really dry, it hurts if he goes deep or fast. We had some really bad experiences (my first time) and some other times he was rough when he thought I was enjoying it but I burst out crying etc. after sex in those positions I sometimes get shock. I cant stop shaking and I want to cry all night. I feel so depressed and angry, hurt etc. I understand most people love these things I just don't seem to be able to cope and I don't know why. If we do other positions I'm absolutely fine. He said I should feel nice with him and feel passion for that so I just don't know what's wrong with me.
Excatly with Ork said . Its your body if you don't like something don't do it just to please him , try talking to him so he understands he should be supportive & be there for you . Sex is about enjoyment and having a connection with someone if your not happy or not having fun stop it don't do it to make him happy as the after effect for you is not fair . There is nothing wrong with you at all x
Yep I have to agree woth Ork and KF on this. Sex is about both of you enjoying the intimate bond and connection you have in your relationship, it should never be more about one person than the other.
You need to tell him hoe it makes you feel and there are more experimental things you could do during sex and foreplay that don't involve facing away from your partner or being on all fours.
Maybe when you talk to him and say you don't want to have sex in the positions you don't feel comfortable in you could suggest something that you would like to try instead so that you're not shutting him down totally and are open to new things but just not that.
My husband and I like playing with food, licking and eating off eachother's body, we also enjoy massages which can be erotic and romantic if you add music and candles. Also there are things like tickling feathers and ice play which highten your nerves and senses and fun at the same time, bringing a more light hearted sense of naughtyness to your sex life.
There is nothing wrong with you we are all unique.
Mrs A x
If you dont like it dont do it. Talk to him and explain. But as an idea why not try spoons position. That is also from behind but most people find it very romantic.
If you don't like it don't do it. I understand where you're coming from. I've been with my now husband for years and we've been married for one year, I've only just been able to find the confidence and really realise that I'm fully comfortable with him to explore different things.
At first if I wasn't comfortable with something, I would tell him, and he would always fully understand. Tell your partner your concerns, and keep us updated so we can try and help you out. Hope it all goes well :)
Thanks for the advice. I have talked about it a lot with my boyfriend. He feels rejected when I tell him although he is trying to be supportive. He tries to be gentle and always asks if I'm ok, if its hurting but I don't think he can quite understand what I feel. This stuff is his favourite by far and don't think he will be ok without it (he makes that clear) I'm using durex water based lube but we have to put so much and it dries up straight away. Spooning works much better it can be uncomfortable at times but definitely I feel better (I can see him more and hug) We've been trying to do the other positions for a year and a half now and I don't know I just can't deal with facing away or being on knees. maybe it's from our bad experiences I don't know I just feel so awful about myself when I do them.
It sounds to me like you have some confidence issues with your body. It actually feels like I'm taking to myself in the past. Try not to worry, you're in control here and you can do what you feel comfortable with, and maybe in the future you'll feel comfortable doing different things but for now just stick with what you're confortable with. When I was in your situation, I wasn't really thinking about sex for me, I was having sex to please my husband and I didn't feel comfortable letting myself go because I felt so bad about myself. Men don't often like to express how they feel, and I learned that men show their love through sex. So take advantage of it and try and relax a bit more, try and think of it as this is his way of showing his love. Men do try their best to do the best they can to make sure their partner has a good time, so try and take advantage of that and just for one night tell him that it's all about you, you might feel more relaxed being more in control of the situation.
Have you tried any other lubricants? A lot of women have issues with dryness, I do for the first week after I've finished a period. The reviews for LH's own branded water-based lubricant have some brilliant reviews. I would say that if your dryness is concerning you, you may need to have a little check up from the doctors just to make sure everything is okay down there, which I'm sure it will be, but the piece of mind would be soothing to me. Do you have much foreplay before sex? Maybe you need to spend a bit longer to get the juices flowing?
Glad you're feeling a bit better about the situation today, you're not alone!
MrsMcX wrote:
Men don't often like to express how they feel, and I learned that men show their love through sex.
Thanks MrsMcX.....so no more flowers and more rumpy pumpy for Mrs G lol
Hahaha!! Well, there is some wonderful men out there that obviously show their love in other ways, but they're very rare to come by, Mrs. G. must be a very lucky girl!!
I wonder if facing a mirror might help. It would enable you to see him and possibly feel more secure
MrsMcX wrote:
Hahaha!! Well, there is some wonderful men out there that obviously show their love in other ways, but they're very rare to come by, Mrs. G. must be a very lucky girl!!
In the words of a song
"She tells me she's learning how full her cup can be
She asks me to help her, but I know she's teaching me."
I consider myself to be the lucky one. Sex is one of many ways to express and share your love I believe.
Princess pink ....take your time and dont stress about it.
thanks for the advice. He is a very loving boyfriend always cuddling, kissing etc. I don't have a problem being turned on or wet at the beginning it's just during the act that I dry up. we tend to do these positions after I've already finished (he doesn't like doing them at the beginning as its too intense for Him so he always wants to finish that way) I get bored I guess it doesn't do anything physical for me (it hurts quite a lot if it is not slow) I guess I feel a bit like an object ? The hardest thing is when I get in shock. I can't stop crying and get the shakes, jumpy all night and don't want to be touched. I get really scared I wonder if this will change when i mature ? Even though I'm in early 20s I feel really like a child especially during sex
Just be honest with him and tell him what you like and what you want to do. That's the best way. 
I understand how you might just feel like an object if you've already finished. Maybe if you do finish, take a bit of a time out and do something to keep him amused until you can compose yourself, and you might be able to finish again.
Or just explain that you feel that way and maybe you need to reassess the routine you're in and change it so you both finish in a position you both like. When does this shock you go through usually happen? As soon as you start to feel like that you need to stop whatever you're doing. It sounds to me like it could be a panic attack, maybe lead on by the anxiety you're having. Panic attacks are something that I believe everyone will have at some point in their lives, I went through a phase of them in the months leading up to my wedding and it does make you feel awful. If you go to your doctor and explain these shocks that you've been having they should be able to help you. I know it's difficult talking to a GP about things, but you'll feel better afterwards.
have you considered some counselling? I would recommend it because it sounds like it is a traumatic experience for you. Most of us will have things we don't like doing but normally it won't leave us so badly shaken as you describe "Cant stop crying, shaking, jumpy all night, scared" This an intense reaction. If it is something you have such deep intense emotions about, almost a phobia or a trauma. I think I would recommend some help if you feel it is really effecting you like this.
Until you overcome that intense negative reaction you mustnt force yourself to keep going through it. You say your boyfriend has made it clear he wont do without it. Well, I dunno what to say about that except it seems to be putting you in a situation you intensely fear using emotional blackmail (I wont stay with you without that) Thats up to you to deal with but forcing yourself through it, in my opinion, will only make the fears worse or put you off all sex altogether as you avoid the things that scare you. I don't know if it will change as you mature but in my opinion this is running deeper than just "I don't like it" and verging on a phobic reaction. That isnt normal. Please understand I am not saying you are not normal, but somehow, somewhere in your mind, you are associating these acts with something that is triggering this intense reaction. That reaction is what is not quite normal. It isnt normal to break down shaking, go into shock and unable to stop crying after intimacy with the person you love. I think therapy might really help you understand whats going on in your mind. Something we can't help with really x
No matter whether it gets better or not though, do not ever feel forced or blackmailed into doing something you do not like xx
well said fluff (as usual)
princess P it could be vaginismus
heres a link to the NHS website
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Vaginismus/Pages/Causes.aspx
Well said Fluffbags, I have to admit the shock, shaking and crying is not a good thing and if he continues having sex with you while you're shaking, crying and telling him you don't like it and it hurts then there's something wrong with him not you.
Weather he likes it or not you're a couple, a team, working together as one, and your feelings and hurts are as valid as his in all situations.
I think councelling might her but not just for you, he sounds like he needs it, surely its not normal to see your girlfriend crying and in pain and not wanting to stop or do anything about it.
I can only agree with what almost everybody has said which is that you must talk to him. If he cares for you and loves you like you are pretty sure he does then he will understand and work through it with you.
Every relationship is about flexibility, communication and discovery. In this case you have discovered something you can't deal with so you need to stop doing it until you either identify what it is causing the trigger.
One possible test you could use is to see if you can have sex facing him whilst blindfolded..........that will help you understand if its the not seeing him that is a trigger.
My concern is that if my wife went into shock or out of control during any session I would hope I would stop immediately..........and if I didn't I would expect her to tell me to stop!
I really hope you both manage to work through it.
Thanks we are going to see a professional for some advice too. I appreciate everyone's replies it helps to give me an outside perspective. I have told him all of this before. He says he is constantly worried that he is hurting me and he does stop if I ask. I do struggle with being able to tell him to stop. I think I've only told him to stop once and it was because something tore so there was blood. He has stopped quite a few times on his own cause he could tell I was sore or unhappy. I think there must be a combination of things all adding up. The thought of the blindfold just made my stomach drop so I think that sight and trust must be a big part of it.
PrincessPink wrote:
Thanks we are going to see a professional for some advice too. I appreciate everyone's replies it helps to give me an outside perspective. I have told him all of this before. He says he is constantly worried that he is hurting me and he does stop if I ask. I do struggle with being able to tell him to stop. I think I've only told him to stop once and it was because something tore so there was blood. He has stopped quite a few times on his own cause he could tell I was sore or unhappy. I think there must be a combination of things all adding up. The thought of the blindfold just made my stomach drop so I think that sight and trust must be a big part of it.
Good luck to you both