Heya, I'm a newbie to sex and foreplay, i have an idea of what i am doing but nothing seems to work, befor my girlfriend who i have been with for 5 months i have never even kissed a girl passionately, unfortunately i jumped into sex on the first night and was fairly useless. I was wondering if anyone could help with tips or tricks which would make her achieve and orgasm or climax without having sex, so fingering or licking out! Thanks for all help in advance! Sam :)
I know it's easier said than done, but relax, have fun, communicate and ask her what you could do better!
If you do those things, you'll just get better each time :)
Hello Sam, firstly Welcome & secondly, well done on seeking help rather than just fumbling on and getting nowhere. Some people are naturals but many aren't. We are all on a constant learning curve.
Try the 2 following books -
Clitology by Jordan LaRousse & Samantha Sade
The Lowdown on Going Down by Marcy Michaels
If it's not in here, it's probably not worth knowing.
You can read & learn together.
Male alternatives of both books are also available. It's all about give and take. Buy these and you will also get your reward for your effort.
Penis Genius by Jordan LaRousse & Samantha Sade
Blow Him Away by Marcy Michaels
Good luck!
I have asked and done what i was asked to do by her but it gets me no where! Ive read to lick the alphabet, suck the clit, just finger and rub as it looks in porn but she doesn't ever reach an orgasm and seems to get bored. Ive probably tried over 30 times so ive had my chances! I think in destined never to pleasure her! :(
mrsdivine69 wrote:
Hello Sam, firstly Welcome & secondly, well done on seeking help rather than just fumbling on and getting nowhere. Some people are naturals but many aren't. We are all on a constant learning curve.
Try the 2 following books -
Clitology by Jordan LaRousse & Samantha Sade
The Lowdown on Going Down by Marcy Michaels
If it's not in here, it's probably not worth knowing.
You can read & learn together.
Male alternatives of both books are also available. It's all about give and take. Buy these and you will also get your reward for your effort.
Penis Genius by Jordan LaRousse & Samantha Sade
Blow Him Away by Marcy Michaels
Good luck!
Sound advice - keep trying and asking.... you'll get there in the end.....
Sam davies wrote:
I have asked and done what i was asked to do by her but it gets me no where! Ive read to lick the alphabet, suck the clit, just finger and rub as it looks in porn but she doesn't ever reach an orgasm and seems to get bored. Ive probably tried over 30 times so ive had my chances! I think in destined never to pleasure her! :(
Maybe get her to show how to do it - informative & super horny!!
Sam davies wrote:
I have asked and done what i was asked to do by her but it gets me no where! Ive read to lick the alphabet, suck the clit, just finger and rub as it looks in porn but she doesn't ever reach an orgasm and seems to get bored. Ive probably tried over 30 times so ive had my chances! I think in destined never to pleasure her! :(
Please don't take thoughts like that into the bedroom, that'll just make things so much worse. Be patient have some heart, think what this lady means to you, and be prepared to do it the hard way (not literally) if you have to.
Hi Sam Davies, this a most special time of your life. Try and relax and take things slow. The toughest thing you will have to learn is to talk. Any of us old's will tell it all comes good when you can learn to communicate, this is huge even mega.women's bodies are amazing and to be treated with respect and like anything else in life to get the best they need to be treated well. However no two women are the same in what they like or dislike. To find out what they like you will need to ask and if you are lucky and ask right they will show you what they like. Lastly the biggest sex organ is their brain or mind. We as young men are more hooked up to the physical side of sex. Good luck and keep posting.
This was posted a while back. As a woman I would say it offers excellent advice.
If you feel negative, that'll transfer to her and her body won't respond well.
You can try using a small bullet?
You need to talk to her an ask if she can make herself come or whether she's just a difficult girl, some of us are. You MUST learn to communicate, it's the most important thing for a great sex life.
Being able to make a girl come isn't instant. It does take practice and you have to experiment with different places, pressure, speed etc.
May I ask your age? I'm only 19 so if you're looking for some young advice, I'm on here every day :
Well, first off and rather importantly, have some confidence in yourself! Don't think that her having an orgasm is the be all and end all; just enjoy pleasuring her, teasing her, turning her on. I find the journey is often far more pleasurable than the destination. And don't think that the fact that she doesn't orgasm with you let you down - it can be unfortunately hard to orgasm, not because of something our partner's doing wrong, but because of a myriad different things that could be on our minds or troubling us. And, even when there's nothing troubling me, I find on occasion that, despite how good it's feeling or how close I am, I almost get to the peak and then kaputt! Orgasm lost.
If she does seem to be getting bored, it doesn't make you any less of a man to just ask, "Do you want to stop?" or "Have you had enough?"
One thing I'd suggest is to not jump straight into the whole hand in her underwear, trousers down, and play away - probably a little cruder than I needed to say, but you get the picture. I'm not saying that you do, but there are ways to make it more likely that she'll be more responsive. You can turn her on and make her more in the mood for sexual activity of some sort, long before the clothes come off.
Find out her erogenous zones beyond the obvious ones - try kissing her neck, or nibbling on her earlobe, etc. and see the reaction you get. If it's a favourable one (shuddering breaths, maybe a little gasp or moan, her "presenting" her neck so that more of it is accessible to you, etc.), one thing you could do after you've kissed her once or twice is to then leave her; a few minutes later, move to her neck again, but just hover your lips over her skin - don't press or properly kiss her this time to tease her; it always gets me when my partner does this. Of course, that's only if it seems to have an effect on her or if it seems to be something that she enjoys.
Maybe run a nail or a finger over her nipple through her top and bra; I can almost never feel it when I do that to myself, but I'm hyper-aware of the slightest touch from my partner and it just sends a jolt through me. Remember to play with her breasts as well as her nipples if you do do any nipple play as foreplay - a gentle squeeze of the breast can feel very nice as there are lots of nerve endings there. So, if you do play with her nipples, don't neglect the breasts too! :)
My point is that, well, certainly I find it difficult to get straight down to it and orgasm through play if I haven't been teased for a length of time beforehand and I'm not initially turned on. I might be able to orgasm, but it'll take much more effort on both of our parts and it won't be comfortable at the very beginning as I either won't be wet enough or wet at all.
Foreplay starts long before you get into the bedroom.
The other thing is to communicate with her - communication is super duper important! Ask her how it feels, what she might prefer you to do, if she'd like to show you what she'd prefer, tell her to play with herself when your fingers are in her (for example; only if you have a dynamic kind of like that. Some girls might otherwise be pretty uncomfortable if their partner told them to join in or take over from them). Also pay attention to her body and voice - any changes in intensity or pitch of moan or breathing can help you locate certain places where stimulation had a greater effect on her, and any bucking or thrusting (especially those quick, uncontrollable jerks of the hip) can signify where she liked you touching. Communication is key.
There is one thing I noticed from one of your posts, however, that I think might have something to do with it...? The whole "as it looks in porn" thing. I've watched plenty of porn, and it always makes me laugh when I see how they finger or masturbate: it would never get me off! (Same with their oral techniques, actually... But I've never climaxed during oral with my partner.) Porn isn't the best place from which to learn techniques; it's made for entertainment purposes, and few women would ever be able to orgasm that quickly. It takes more time and sensual touches than the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am!" that porn often portrays.
One last thing to mention is to not change position or what you're doing very often - and especially not when you think she's close to orgasm. It can be distracting if you're getting close and the stimulation feels really good, and then your partner changes what they were doing, sudden mood whiplash and you lose the orgasm. If you get verbal cues of some sort that something you were doing was good and pushing all the right buttons, keep doing it.
And finally, to conclude, sex isn't something that's super serious - it's supposed to be fun. You and your partner are enjoying each other, exploring and discovering what makes them feel good, what makes them feel great, and what makes them scream the house down and explode out the roof (though hopefully not literally :P). If things aren't going right, you can take a rain check - snuggle, chat, enjoy each other's company, play games, drink tea— whatever the two of you like to do together.
Hi Sam
Many newbies to sex and foreplay watch porn and expect to: a) Perform like a pornstar, and/or b) Their partner to react like a pornstar. In my experience the more you relax and communicate with your partner the better sex is and the more likely you both are to orgasm.
Take the emphasis off getting your partner to orgasm and just go with the flow, finding out what you both enjoy regardless of whether it results in orgasm. Doing this I'm sure you will find that with time it will happen naturally. Sometimes it takes a while to find what "works" best for you as a couple, but remember its an experience not an experiment, there isn't a right or wrong way to do it - so don't put pressure on yourself "get it right". Its all about enjoying the experience, so just relax and have fun learning.
capricorn13 wrote:
This was posted a while back. As a woman I would say it offers excellent advice.
I would agree.
With the sparse info we have, I would suggest that the 'arousal' section might be the most crucial here.
Remember Sam, that this process takes time, get comfortable and settle in quite possibly for 50mins plus, but for her to get there she must be enjoying the journey. Don't rush down there either, make her aware how sexy you find her, maybe take the pressure off by not focussing on an orgasm. Tell her you want to find out what she likes, to give her pleasure, if she comes that is a bonus that you might both enjoy.
Candied Citrus wrote:
Well, first off and rather importantly, have some confidence in yourself! Don't think that her having an orgasm is the be all and end all; just enjoy pleasuring her, teasing her, turning her on. I find the journey is often far more pleasurable than the destination. And don't think that the fact that she doesn't orgasm with you let you down - it can be unfortunately hard to orgasm, not because of something our partner's doing wrong, but because of a myriad different things that could be on our minds or troubling us. And, even when there's nothing troubling me, I find on occasion that, despite how good it's feeling or how close I am, I almost get to the peak and then kaputt! Orgasm lost.
If she does seem to be getting bored, it doesn't make you any less of a man to just ask, "Do you want to stop?" or "Have you had enough?"
One thing I'd suggest is to not jump straight into the whole hand in her underwear, trousers down, and play away - probably a little cruder than I needed to say, but you get the picture. I'm not saying that you do, but there are ways to make it more likely that she'll be more responsive. You can turn her on and make her more in the mood for sexual activity of some sort, long before the clothes come off.
Find out her erogenous zones beyond the obvious ones - try kissing her neck, or nibbling on her earlobe, etc. and see the reaction you get. If it's a favourable one (shuddering breaths, maybe a little gasp or moan, her "presenting" her neck so that more of it is accessible to you, etc.), one thing you could do after you've kissed her once or twice is to then leave her; a few minutes later, move to her neck again, but just hover your lips over her skin - don't press or properly kiss her this time to tease her; it always gets me when my partner does this. Of course, that's only if it seems to have an effect on her or if it seems to be something that she enjoys.
Maybe run a nail or a finger over her nipple through her top and bra; I can almost never feel it when I do that to myself, but I'm hyper-aware of the slightest touch from my partner and it just sends a jolt through me. Remember to play with her breasts as well as her nipples if you do do any nipple play as foreplay - a gentle squeeze of the breast can feel very nice as there are lots of nerve endings there. So, if you do play with her nipples, don't neglect the breasts too! :)
My point is that, well, certainly I find it difficult to get straight down to it and orgasm through play if I haven't been teased for a length of time beforehand and I'm not initially turned on. I might be able to orgasm, but it'll take much more effort on both of our parts and it won't be comfortable at the very beginning as I either won't be wet enough or wet at all.
Foreplay starts long before you get into the bedroom.
The other thing is to communicate with her - communication is super duper important! Ask her how it feels, what she might prefer you to do, if she'd like to show you what she'd prefer, tell her to play with herself when your fingers are in her (for example; only if you have a dynamic kind of like that. Some girls might otherwise be pretty uncomfortable if their partner told them to join in or take over from them). Also pay attention to her body and voice - any changes in intensity or pitch of moan or breathing can help you locate certain places where stimulation had a greater effect on her, and any bucking or thrusting (especially those quick, uncontrollable jerks of the hip) can signify where she liked you touching. Communication is key.
There is one thing I noticed from one of your posts, however, that I think might have something to do with it...? The whole "as it looks in porn" thing. I've watched plenty of porn, and it always makes me laugh when I see how they finger or masturbate: it would never get me off! (Same with their oral techniques, actually... But I've never climaxed during oral with my partner.) Porn isn't the best place from which to learn techniques; it's made for entertainment purposes, and few women would ever be able to orgasm that quickly. It takes more time and sensual touches than the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am!" that porn often portrays.
One last thing to mention is to not change position or what you're doing very often - and especially not when you think she's close to orgasm. It can be distracting if you're getting close and the stimulation feels really good, and then your partner changes what they were doing, sudden mood whiplash and you lose the orgasm. If you get verbal cues of some sort that something you were doing was good and pushing all the right buttons, keep doing it.
And finally, to conclude, sex isn't something that's super serious - it's supposed to be fun. You and your partner are enjoying each other, exploring and discovering what makes them feel good, what makes them feel great, and what makes them scream the house down and explode out the roof (though hopefully not literally :P). If things aren't going right, you can take a rain check - snuggle, chat, enjoy each other's company, play games, drink tea— whatever the two of you like to do together.
THIS
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Best advice from CC xx
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Best advice from CC xx
Alastor wrote:
THIS
Awww, thanks you guys! *blush*
Hey all, since my last post shes got in the mood, we were play fighting, having a laugh and a cuddle and when we eventually started she was so wet and acted like she really wanted it, but again it appears i did something wrong, i took on board some of the advice into asking her what she likes and got "i dont know really" we fondled for a while so i started with my fingers and i noticed her begun to touch her clit but as soon as i moved the slightest bit she stoped, i smiled at her and told/asked (don't know which word is right :P) her to continue but she wouldn't. I think i may have done to little to late in this situation as she seems to only want to keep me happy by 'Finishing' me when shes not even started and i have no idea on how to change her out of this frame of mind. By the way Shannon and I are a young couple. I really appreciate all of the help and advice you guys are giving but i honestly feel like a lost cause!
It sounds to me a bit like maybe your girlfriend is either very shy about telling/showing you what she likes or she doesn't actually know, because she's never pleasured herself. The key to being able to show your lover what you like is to know it yourself. So maybe if you can try to ask her if she does masturbate by herself?
Again unfortunately she has previously been pleasured in the past but has told me she has never done it herself which i do not believe, she tells me that her favourite thing to do is to be eaten out but i really don't know what in doing and when i ask her what she likes when in down she just tells me not to worry and then we end up stopping
I don't know anyone who hasn't touched themselves even just a little bit before. It's really the only way to fully discover yourself and what you like. Considering she knew to touch her clit, you can safely assume she knows.
It sounds like she's quite shy/embarrassed about it all and doesn't want to upset you by letting you know it's not doing anything for her.
You could try getting some tingle lube to heighten the sensitivity and it might make it easier for her to come.