I feel a tad concerned that my sessions with my partner usually always feel like a ‘quicky’ Lasting 20 minutes maximum. Foreplay is usually a quick fumble if any at all. Then straight into the full thing. I have tried to speak to my partner about spicing things up but he’s not very adventurous and seems to pass the conversation off. Anyone else been in this position? And any ideas of how I can spice things up?
Our normal sex is 15-20 mins but if we are having a session it could last an hour maybe an hour and half, I’ll normally tie her up and use a few toys on her bringing her close to orgasm several times before letting her have one, I’ll spend a good 30-40 minutes doing that
How about if your partner was up for it, tying him up so you can spend some time pleasuring him then you can let him watch you use a few toys and also sit on his face
Even could get him to tie you up and see if that leads to longer sessions, definitely works for us
Thank you so much for your reply. Your sex life sounds amazing and I love your ideas... i will wait for the right moment and then maybe make some suggestions to him. When you say your normal sex, how often do you have a ‘session’?
Totally depends, not had sex for the last 5 weeks so going through a dry spell, normally tho we’ll probably have normal sex 2-3 time a week and a session where I tie her up a couple of times a month, i prefer the sessions and could do them everyday but we’re very different on the sex drive scale
She used to just go like the clappers and finish me off instantly but the more I teased her and prolonged her orgasms she started doing the same with me
Im sure someone will give you better advice but that’s just what works for us
I'd say 20mins is a good average.
Like D&E says if on the odd occasion all the kids are out and the restraints come out it can be prolonged. Also with kids and work and tiredness we are down to once a week (twice if I beg or buy a new toy) so we normally horny.
Tie him up and only let him cum when you decide (with consent obvs otherwise it becomes something way more complicated >.<)
Alicia4Ever wrote:
It's been A long while since I last had sex, but typically, I would call an average session 4 hours, I have spent as much as 8 hours.
Wait wha? Thats way above average right? suddenly I feel rather inadequate lol, We dont have 4hours spare in a day normally >.<
30 minutes to 1 hour was the average (we are in post partum hell at the moment so not sex for a little while). If we are haveing a BDSM Session and then sex afterwards, that whole affair can take 1-2 hours if not more depending on the activities explored therein.
Loobylou12 wrote:
I feel a tad concerned that my sessions with my partner usually always feel like a ‘quicky’ Lasting 20 minutes maximum. Foreplay is usually a quick fumble if any at all. Then straight into the full thing. I have tried to speak to my partner about spicing things up but he’s not very adventurous and seems to pass the conversation off. Anyone else been in this position? And any ideas of how I can spice things up?
I don't see anything wrong with twenty minutes! I'm quite happy with that. Restraints, edgeing, the full works, yes that goes on for about a hour, but that is a treat, not the norm. A quickie to me is literally over in 5 minutes, but if we both wake up horny then that is usually what we can get away with before her ladyship starts calling for us anyway.
I agree with Alicia, it is probably a confidence thing with your partner, he doesn't want to admit that he is unsure about how to do the whole foreplay thing. My husband was just the same, but slowly things are getting better. Do you usually just have sex in the bedroom? If so, initiate sex-stuff elsewhere, in different rooms, out and about, get him used to sexual contact with you that he knows ISN'T going to result in full sex straight away (because the situation won't make it easy). Alternatively, suggest to him that you want to spend the evening both giving each other orgasms but at no point do you want to have full sex. If he isn't sure what he is doing, then show him. Have fun, make out like you want to get to know his body better, and as others have said, if all else fails, tie him up, go all power-trip on him.
Best of luck, I hope things improve for you.
Forgive me for my naivety but what is a BDSM session and what does it entail? I’m intrigued and interested. I feel like there is so much out the to explore, I feel as though I’m missing out! Also, thank you all for the advice. I am going to purchase a few goodies and try and get him involved that way.
It’s pretty much bondage, domination and submission just like taking control or letting him take control, definitely recommend getting a few toys, my partner always feels a lot more comfortable with a blindfold on, she seems to get more confidence plus I don’t mind wearing it and getting spoilt now and then
We have 5 - 10 mins quickies most of the time. Very rarely do we get a full on sex session but if we do approx an hour to two hours if we are lucky...
Sometimes it's so fast my cup of tea is still warm afterwards.
20 minutes is not an unreasonably short time.
Ha ha love this 😁rockstar wrote:
Sometimes it's so fast my cup of tea is still warm afterwards.
20 minutes is not an unreasonably short time.
I can’t remember to be honest, it was far too long ago.
About 30-45mins, and if he's tying me up n teasing me can easily last 1 n half hour x
Wow we tend to have one and two hour sessions. All sorts of fun and we are usually knackered at the end.😀
It all depends, sometimes we both just need a 'quickie' 5-10 minutes (no foreplay!).
Other times it can be 1 hour - 1 and a half hours maximum, depending on how in the mood we are!
Sometimes, life, stress and illness do get in the way and we just have to make the time for each other and realise we need to keep things regular - even if it's just oral or a hand job for him.
We like to masturbate together, which can be up to half an hour for me and 5-15 minutes (depending on mood etc.) for him.
We are both content with what we do in our sex lives generally and the time we spend on it. It is understandable for both of us, that we may have times when we can't. I think recognising that is just as healthy as having a really active sex life. 😉 💞
Hello Loobylou12,
Sorry you're feeling like you are at the moment.
Do communicate your feelings with your hubby, you can't work out what's best for you both if you don't be open about it. He may have his reasons for why you feel your sex life is like this too, but you will never know unless you ask!
Tell him you need 'him' to take the time to listen to you, as what you need to discuss is very important to you both, and is also concerning you and your happiness.
Surely posing this situation, (especially when he is relaxed and not busy) will encourage him to take you seriously and realise you want an adult discussion with him. He shouldn't shrug this off if he loves you!
Hope it works out for you and you can both be more open about your feelings on this matter with each other. x 🙂
With previous partners, 15 - 20 mins was about what it was, and it left me frustrated at times.
WIth my husband, the average is somewhere between an hour and 90 minutes, and I'm much happier with that.
I think it's more about how satisfied you feel rather than how long it takes. I've had some extended sessions before that just got a bit boring. It is nice to indulge yourselves sometimes and take your time but if no-one knows what they're supposed to be doing then you can still be left feeling unsatisfied and/or sore. 🙂
As others have said it's one of those situations where you need to communicate and coordinate. If he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it in person there's a couple of apps you can get where you both fill in a fantasy/turn on checklist and then compare results. A few people have mentioned one on here and said that it helped them discover a lot of new things about their partner. I think it's called Desire? I can't quite remember off the top of my head. Maybe someone could remind me?