Anyone else fed up with the assumption that just because you’re married you don’t have sex anymore?
So many friends of ours or work colleagues use the whole ‘oh you’re married so you don’t get any anymore’ line and I just wonder where it comes from?
We have a fairly healthy sex life, every night he’s home we have foreplay and sex. The only exception being when either of us is unwell or working away! We discuss sex, what we like/what we don’t like, what we want to try etc
We’re pretty private people and either agree with the statement or mumble that just cuz we’re married (and we married fairly young 21/22) doesn’t mean the spark has gone- quite the opposite! Think we’re possibly having just as much or slightly more sex now as to when we were dating 🙈
Definitely not the case with us. I think Marriage can often come with extra stress, kids, responsibilities etc which could impact on the bedroom. I have a far less stressful life now than when we were dating and we definitely have more sex now after 20 years together.
Got a couple of friends who complain they never get any any more. That said, they're the same ones whose wives go to bed at 10-11pm and they stay up working/gaming/dicking around on the internet til 1am so hardly surprising!
We've been married 12 years, together 22 and probably have better sex now than 20 years ago. Ok it's 2-3x a week rather than almost every night but the days off allow a bit of planning and anticipation and we've learned what eachother like.
I know it's true of a lot of my friends, for us it's not at all...I mean we both work full time and have kids so we can't be at it all day but we make up for it pretty much every night and weekends ♥️♥️ we've been married 15 years and the sex just gets better x
We had a lull when the kids were little, partly because of serious family health issues / hospital stays, early menopause and work stresses, but now we have more and better sex than ever. We are both more experimental and self-confident, and we just know each other very well. There a security in a long relationship which we have found enhances things. We always have long and varied sessions (2-3 hrs, lingerie, toys, foreplay, different positions) rather than quickies, so once or twice a week might not sound like much but it is regular and the quality is great. Buying things from this site adds a spark! We're late 40s / early 50s, married for 15yrs and not looking to wind down our sex life at all, despite people assuming that often happens.
I don't know about my friends as those in happy relationships tend to keep things private, whereas those who are not happy complain that it is 'just another thing to do' - maybe the more vocal people are also the most negative, leaving people with the wrong impression?
I think these days most men are enlightened about women's sexual pleasure and have honed their skills more than those in previous generations, so women have a more satisfying experience and there is less of a disapproving attitude around, but I might be over-generalising on those counts...
I'd like to add (sorry - going on!) that sometimes familiarity can lead to couples taking each other for granted and then they get bored / resentful.
Spontaneous flowers, chocolates, wine, film, humour, attention to one's appearance and surroundings, sharing the housework / kids, public displays of affection, compliments and manners - these don't take much effort and, if both people in a long-term relationship remember, go a long way towards helping each other to feel special.
We must be amoungst the lucky ones, our sex life has improved vastly. We married young and probably quite nieve, sex was pretty plain. However as our horizons broadened so did our sexual experiences, wants and desires. Sex has got better more adventerous and we are still exploring new delights and boundaries after 30 years of marrige.
We are too lucky. In fact we have spent the years since marriage (12) to explore our bodies and likes. Always willing to find something new but we have amazing sex now. Blows me away.
I have been with my partner for nearly 9 years.. It has slowed up a bit but not massively, because we have a toddler, jobs, a huge family with our household being the centre etc... sex then was spontaneous..now it's more exciting & adventurous....I like to think its not slowed down but it's grown as we have together...xx
Nice to see so many other couples singing their partners praises! We have a young family and we have found the biggest secret of a good marriage is talking, exploring fantasies together and then never taking each other for granted. We’ve been through hell the last couple of years (cancer scare for one of us, job woes for both of us) and I can safely say our sex lives actually improved after all that stress faded. Talk about taking the rough with the smooth....
The dip in our relationship (where sex dropped to a couple of times a week down from every day) was actually long before we got married. We let life get in the way, so we have taken (and continue to take) positive steps to ensure our sex life stays active on a daily basis..
So, for example, I used to say no on occasion because I couldn't be bothered (and the same for him). Now, we both only say no if we actively don't want to or we don't have time. If we can't be bothered, then our partner will see that the other one is suitably aroused so that the "can't be bothered" is replaced with "needing a shag".
The other thing is about tiredness. For example, if he is tired, I might suggest that I peg him (as I always orgasm from that anyway), or we might choose a position that requires less physical effort from him, like cowgirl.
We found positive steps, thinking "yes, unless you really don't want to" and choosing positions and activities carefully, have kept us well up for it well into our married life.
We’ve been married over 25 years and the sex just keeps getting better. We have sex several times a week and not just in bed, there’s nothing like spontaneous sex when the opportunity arises.
We actually have not consummated our marriage, but this is because of medical reasons. My poor husband can't, so I guess we never will have sex ever again. That said there was a year before we got married of no sex due to his illness.
I am still horny as hell, I just masterbate a lot.
I do think the married no sex thing comes from the change in people's lives after marriage, moving house, having kids, ect. It just could get in the way.
I think it can be true for some, for us it has happened but thats due to a load of reasons and not tied to the fact we got married, but i dont mind people assuming we had less sex because when we were in our prime i enjoyed telling the lads that i'd get it everyday if i could keep up
Some really interesting responses! We have a small child (1.5) pre-teen (11 although developmentally more 13/14) and one teen (15), we live with my parents, hubby works ridiculous hours, I work 50+ hours a week, I’m going to uni in September, our youngest has health issues and I am going through a cancer scare...basically we have a lot going on *all* the time.
I do think people make excuses of being busy/tired etc as a way of not discussing that their needs or wants have changed? We went through a dry spell when I was feeding our youngest. As soon as I stopped hubby mentioned how his wife was back (well not instantly but you know!)
I do wonder whether work colleagues or friends actually put enough effort in to each other?! I’ve also discovered love languages and it’s very interesting to see where hubby and I are!
We had somewhat limited sexual fun while our son was growing up . I was always trying to encourage my wife to get a little wilder . Back then she could drink and would loosen up and we had some good fun . Then her health issues and surgery led to a disability . Sex life dropped off and has been non existant for years . Fun Louise sounds like she is in a similar place . She gave me permission to have lady friends , but I could never do that . So I am a master of self pleasure . Thank you Love Honey for a forum like this to read and post pictures and thoughts !