Thanks Stu x
Thanks Stu 
That is so awful Cazz! I'm so pleased you managed to leave and find LH. Some really great advice here, and I really hope you manage to get things sorted out Ruby - bullying like this is terrible! My sister-in-law had a similar situation at work, so she bought herself one of those spy pens and wore it all the time in her jacket pocket. She managed to get the person on tape and showed it to HR who took it very seriously indeed and gave this person a warning. Good luck Ruby *hugs* xx
Oh wow Scorp thats fantastic that she had evidence and the HR team acted upon it!
ShinySparkle wrote:
I'm being bullied at work too. It's a hard mean cycle. I can't leave, but I want to.
I hope you find your way out xxx
 I hope one day you are able to leave x
ShinySparkle wrote:
I'm being bullied at work too. It's a hard mean cycle. I can't leave, but I want to.
I hope you find your way out xxx
So sorry to hear this  I really hope you can maybe leave one day or report the person/s who are doing this to you *hugs* xx
I only have one little story of bullying in the workplace. It's where I work now. I had been in the job for a month and 2 of the foreman both took a disliking to me. No idea why, I was new so my head was down and I just was getting stuck in. The bullying actually surprised me because i wouldn't really think these guys would want to try it on with me but they did. It wasn't really bothering me that much to be honest but I found out quite a lot of new staff had been and left because of these 2. One particular day I must have been in a grumpy mood and these 2 started with their mouth. I asked the general manager to come to my office with these 2 guys as I wanted a word. In walks the manager with these 2 with smirks on their faces probably thinking If they stick together they can make me look a fool. But I wasn't in the mood to complain about them. I sai to the manager 'I have only been in this job a matter of weeks and I don't care that much about it and I'm quite happy to give these 2 a good hiding right now and walk out the door, it's their choice'. You've never seen faces drop so much. Anyhow it seemed to do the trick. 14 years later I'm now a senior manager and these 2 guys have never had the chance to bully and staff since.
I guess it's a little different when it's all blokes and shop floor mentality. Problems can be sorted out a little differently. It was also easier for me to handle because I couldn't believe these 2 blokes were really the bullying type. There wasn't much to em really and I knew I could kick there arse and get another job the same day.
I can understand if you are non confrontational that this could go on and on but you certainly should follow all procedures to make it stop. Making notes and recording conversations if you can will help if your Union or HR are involved.
Chin up Ruby and all my other forum friends that are in this situation. If I could I would happily offer my services to sort these bullies out for you all x
MissBrownEyes92 wrote:
Ruby Red Slippers wrote:
Needing some advice as I'm being bullied at work by my manager. Among other things, she's nasty, unprofessional and constantly critical of me in spite of the fact that I exceed all of my targets, get on with everyone etc. I know she's done this to people before (who have now left) I have an exit plan but I can't leave for another 6 months so I need to deal with it in the meantime. Does anyone have any advice on how to confront her and handle the situation? I dread going into work and end up really upset all the time and I just can't handle it anymore.
This is well and truly off topic, so if LH staff don't think it's suitable for the forums I really won't be offended if you delete this. I just wanted to ask as I know people on here are really kind and give thoughtful replies.
I doubt this LH staff will delete this hun tbh. You saw the post the other day that got deleted because it turned into a suckfest. Your not breaking rules and besides everyone here loves giving advice.
This is a really hard situation because you cannot leave because that would have been the first thing i would have said. Is there someone higher up you can speak with (even if they dont work where you work) for example i had a boss come onto me and make pervy remarks about my ass and tits. He was the manager of that branch but i told him what he was doing was not right and if he carried on i would take it higher (i had three other women backing me up to) and he stopped prompt. I left about a year later and i heard he has now been fired for starting again. If there is someone higher than her then you should tell them or warn her of what you will be forced to do. Try to keep an incident book (another thing i done) and see if you can get previous staff to back you up.
Hugs hun sending plenty of sexy vibes your way! Treat yourself to a toy to help get you through this. You are stronger than you could even imagine you really are. That i can promise.
xxx
PS: Thank you for asking for advice on here. It helps to remind me that i'm not the only one and it's ok to hurt and not be ok (i tend to punish myself for feeling down or struggling with something). Please ask more if you need it :) Good luck darling
Thanks for your kind words. I've spoken to a couple of other members of staff who have had a few issues with her (not as bad as mine, but everything helps I suppose) and I'm hoping they'll report it too. It was actually your post where you asked for help about a horrible situation that made me feel like it would be ok to ask for help on here, so I have you to thank for that x
Boogaloo wrote:
I sympathise with you :( my old boss used to bully me, she made work an absolute nightmare. She even called me out to the store room one day and cornered me, she wouldn't let me go back to work until I stood on some scales so she could see how much I weighed! It was humiliating, just so she could have some kind of power and laugh at me.
I never did anything about my situation, instead I just quit my job and I'm much better off now. I'd highly recommend looking at the link DavidB posted and speaking to human resources if you have that department. It's not right that you're forced to dread your job just because of one person, and you shouldn't have to leave.
I hope you get it sorted Hun xxx
That's horrendous! She must be a psychopath to treat someone like that. I'm so glad your somewhere better now xx
People don't quit companies, they quit on their leadership / boss.
Also, when she does this to you is it because she is trying to motivate you in some way?
Finally, does she do this just to the women in your office because she is threatened in someway? Finally, even with an exit strategy you need to make sure you are doing SELF CARE for your stress level. Reading this made my heart ache, I have been in your shoes at times in my career in some ways. You need to manage your stress via your diet (avoid stress eating / binge eating), work in some physical activity (if you can get up and take breaks outside your office and breath in fresh air to energize yourself mid-day), and make sure you are sleeping. A stressed out insomniac with a crazy boss is just going to spiral into more emotional reactions in the workplace!
On a lighter note, an orgasm is the best stress relief for me... so maybe more sex and masturbation is in order to manage your work stress as well!
Your first point totally rings true for me. Everyone that's left has gone on to work in a similar job in the same field so it seems like it's her and her superiors who drive people out (the whole company is rotten to the core and rife with corruption amongst management and supervisors).
While some people like or are indifferent to her, everyone agrees that she doesn't have a clue how to manage people, so this could be a possibility.
Thanks for your tips, I'm now going out for walks at lunchtime since the weather is better and trying to spend more time with non-work friends. I've definitely been spending more time with my toys although sadly I can't justify buying a new one to cheer myself up (so the glass juicer is going to have to come out of the basket!) as I'm trying to save up as much money as I can so that I can quit sooner.
Lovehoney - Cazz wrote:
As for a job reference no one can give you a bad one. They can refuse to give a reference or give a good one that's the two options. Also you can get a reference from anyone more senior than your job role it doesn't have to be your direct manager.
I was in this position in the workplace I was at before Lovehoney, bullied by two women who acted more like school girls, one was my co worker the other our joint line manager. They were vile and made my life hell. Every night I would cry and not be able to sleep worrying about the next day.
They tried to get me disciplinaries and tried to get me in trouble by lying about me. They would eat my lunch or throw it away so I had no food for the entire day and always make me do the longer shift and late shift (there were no shops near by to get food) They'd try and make me clean the toilets and kitchens in the office. And make me look stupid in front of other staff and clients that visited, sometimes by totally blanking me or saying horrible things.
The HR team were crap there and not willing to help me just kept saying 'I'm sure this isn't true maybe you are too sensitive and too easily upset.'
I had the benefit that I lived with my mum at the time so not too many bills to pay out each month, so I saved up as much of my wages as I could for 2-3 months and handed in my notice, I planned it well and handed it in on November 21st which meant I left December 21st and the two bitches had to work all over Christmas and New year with no time off to cover my hours, as they had forced me to work all of the Christmas holiday - so they could have it off. But it turned out I was at home relaxing with family and friends and not a care in the world whilst they had to work. Haha
I always say 'he who laughs last laughs longest'
- I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, all I can advise is confront her if you feel strong enough (cause I didn't at the time of my experience in this.) Or go through HR like others have said, if you cannot sit back and smile cause you know you are getting out soon.
Leaving that place was the best thing I ever did. I believe everything happens for a reason cause now look I am here at Lovehoney!
I hope you resolve things in the way that you want and we will all be here for you on the forum to offer you support in whatever you do.
Cazz x
That's terrible! I'll never understand how people can be that cruel. Crying in the toilets seems to have become part of my work routine and I feel physically sick at the thought of going in every morning. The 'you're being oversenstive/can't take a joke' thing seems like a classic defence that bullies use and I despair that people still fall for it and blame the target.
A relative has now offered to let me live with them and said they won't accept any rent money from me so that I can save up and get out of there ASAP. I've decided to swallow my pride and take them up on the offer for the sake of my mental health, so hopefully I can escape much sooner than planned.
I'm so glad that those bitches got some payback and that you're now working in a place where you're happy and valued by your company and customers. Happy endings always give me hope! x
Just don't let them grind you down. I have come through a very bully rich career path and it is not possible to confront some of these people if you want to progress. I used to get by by thinking to myself that these people are mentally ill with personality defects so whenever they bully you you can smile internally because you know that it is them who are weak not you.
I like to imagine the people who bullied Cazz - I bet they don't get many toys to test! By the sound of it they probably wouldn't know what to do with them anyway.
I am now in the position of the people who used to be bullies to me and I stand up for the juniors and am in a position to challenge anyone who seems to bully others. I won't stand for it.
You are strong enough to get through this and will come out the other end as a good person where they will still have their problems.
Take care of yourself.
ShinySparkle wrote:
I'm being bullied at work too. It's a hard mean cycle. I can't leave, but I want to.
I hope you find your way out xxx
I'm so sorry to hear that ShinySparkle. It's so sad to hear how many people are going through this hell now or have done in the past. Do you have any good, trustworthy cooworkers who can support you? I have a couple of good friends at work and they help me to keep going. I hope you can plan your exit soon xxx
All these stories of workplace bullying are so awful - I hate to think that people choose to behave this way to other people :(
I haven't ever had workplace bullying, but the "you're too sensitive" thing reminded me so much of my university. My university had such a culture of bullying from the lecturers, and unfortunately I was very much picked on to the point where I really stopped going at all. Things like being told that I was stupid, or being forced to present a debate to my entire year group when everyone else had just presented informally to small groups. The lecturer then picked apart every point I'd raised in front of everyone and tried to make me look like I didn't know what I was saying.
When I raised it with my head of year, telling him how some of his staff had been behaving towards me, he just said that obviously I was an over-sensitive person because I cried when I told him what had been happening. He also just flat-out denied that any of it had happened, even arguing with me when I shared my feelings about how I'd experienced the university environment. He told me that university was a place of direct competition, and that if I hadn't expected to be pushed then I shouldn't have signed up at all and it was the wrong place for me. Even when I directly said that one of the lecturers had called me stupid and told me that I "should be ashamed of myself" for my personal beliefs, he just said that it was probably reverse psychology to try to motivate me to do well.
I ended up seeing the university counsellor and that helped a lot because I had one person that I could talk to in that place that would listen to my point of view. Even though it didn't change other peoples' attitudes or behaviours, I felt more able to deal with all of it.
Sorry, that turned into quite the rant. It just all vividly came back to me reading other peoples' experiences, especially the "you're too sensitive" thing. That's always the excuse that's been used on me, because I am a sensitive person but that doesn't mean that bullying isn't bullying.
I'm really glad that you have an opportunity to get out of your job sooner though, Ruby Red Slippers. x
Chin up Ruby and all my other forum friends that are in this situation. If I could I would happily offer my services to sort these bullies out for you all x
Thanks Stuburns. I really hope that karma is real and will come back to bite them
Sorry, that turned into quite the rant. It just all vividly came back to me reading other peoples' experiences, especially the "you're too sensitive" thing. That's always the excuse that's been used on me, because I am a sensitive person but that doesn't mean that bullying isn't bullying
From bullyonline.org myths about bullying:
Victims are sensitive / oversensitive
Sensitivity comprises a constellation of values to be cherished and nurtured, including empathy, respect, tolerance, dignity, honour, consideration and gentility. Anyone who is not sensitive is insensitive. Targets have an instinctive ability to detect malicious intent which is often labelled by those who lack this ability as "being oversensitive". Bullies are callously insensitive and indifferent to the needs of others and when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others respond with impatience, irritability and aggression.
It's been hard for me to even admit that the situation is bullying because I can't help comparing myself to cooworkers who she would never speak to like that and wondering if they project a 'don't mess with me' attitude and I come across as weak.
I think that information from the bullying myths thing is really good. It makes being a sensitive person feel like the good thing that it actually is. x
Hope everyone has a tolerable week at work. Don't let them grind you down!
Ruby Red Slippers wrote:
Lovehoney - Cazz wrote:
As for a job reference no one can give you a bad one. They can refuse to give a reference or give a good one that's the two options. Also you can get a reference from anyone more senior than your job role it doesn't have to be your direct manager.
I was in this position in the workplace I was at before Lovehoney, bullied by two women who acted more like school girls, one was my co worker the other our joint line manager. They were vile and made my life hell. Every night I would cry and not be able to sleep worrying about the next day.
They tried to get me disciplinaries and tried to get me in trouble by lying about me. They would eat my lunch or throw it away so I had no food for the entire day and always make me do the longer shift and late shift (there were no shops near by to get food) They'd try and make me clean the toilets and kitchens in the office. And make me look stupid in front of other staff and clients that visited, sometimes by totally blanking me or saying horrible things.
The HR team were crap there and not willing to help me just kept saying 'I'm sure this isn't true maybe you are too sensitive and too easily upset.'
I had the benefit that I lived with my mum at the time so not too many bills to pay out each month, so I saved up as much of my wages as I could for 2-3 months and handed in my notice, I planned it well and handed it in on November 21st which meant I left December 21st and the two bitches had to work all over Christmas and New year with no time off to cover my hours, as they had forced me to work all of the Christmas holiday - so they could have it off. But it turned out I was at home relaxing with family and friends and not a care in the world whilst they had to work. Haha
I always say 'he who laughs last laughs longest'
- I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, all I can advise is confront her if you feel strong enough (cause I didn't at the time of my experience in this.) Or go through HR like others have said, if you cannot sit back and smile cause you know you are getting out soon.
Leaving that place was the best thing I ever did. I believe everything happens for a reason cause now look I am here at Lovehoney!
I hope you resolve things in the way that you want and we will all be here for you on the forum to offer you support in whatever you do.
Cazz x
That's terrible! I'll never understand how people can be that cruel. Crying in the toilets seems to have become part of my work routine and I feel physically sick at the thought of going in every morning. The 'you're being oversenstive/can't take a joke' thing seems like a classic defence that bullies use and I despair that people still fall for it and blame the target.
A relative has now offered to let me live with them and said they won't accept any rent money from me so that I can save up and get out of there ASAP. I've decided to swallow my pride and take them up on the offer for the sake of my mental health, so hopefully I can escape much sooner than planned.
I'm so glad that those bitches got some payback and that you're now working in a place where you're happy and valued by your company and customers. Happy endings always give me hope! x
That's great news! I am so glad you can stay with family and get out ASAP! Keep your head up and you'll soon be free
x
sinenomine wrote:
That's absolutely dreadful, Cazz. For how long did you put up with that behaviour? I can't recall ever hearing of such an unpleasant couple of colleagues. Eat or throw away your lunch? I'm so glad you got out of there as you did - and truned the tables on them!
Their loss is our gain, and you're greatly valued here as I'm sure you know!
:) xxx
It went on for around 4-5months then I handed in my notice.
x