I will try.
I’m hoping he will start to listen and we can work it out.
The thought of being alone scares me to death.
@Justthetwoofus2007
What does he do… ive never heard of someone never having a day of sick for 10 years, then getting a written warning without a verbal one for taking 2 weeks off… Also not being allowed to take holiday… Either his company need to be whistled out or someones not being honest…
And what work do you do… You say the attention they give will make you leave… Kinda lost
You’re so right about the pushing out a 10lb baby… I did that too and my vagina popped back into shape! Honestly, you’d think at his age he’d have a better grasp on the female anatomy!
And I do think you could be right about him resenting you still over the camming thing. It seemed to bring out a whole load of jealousy in him. Some guys are like that, luckily my hubby is totally fine with my camming. He appreciates it’s just a job for me and if I have weeks where I earn more than him then it’s still no issue… he’s happy for me!
The thing is now you’ve cut back on your work you’re now more dependant on him. He may think that this ties you to him more, especially if you haven’t got guys telling you’re gorgeous everyday. But long term this isn’t sustainable, you’re already feeling trapped and undesired, it won’t improve until he opens up and tells you what this is really about. And he needs to attend to your needs otherwise he will lose you in the end, if not physically by leaving him but mentally you’ll just tune out and then there’s the real risk that you’ll look elsewhere.
I started out web camming, had my knicker selling site too, where I selling custom content, so videos, pictures, knickers, tights etc I now have an admireme page, and revealme page, both like only fans , but I don’t have social media so can’t do OF .
I think he resents me a lot for my camming.
I’m glad I’m off that web site, as it was hard going.
I lost so much self esteem, aswell as them pushing for more hours non stop. So I don’t miss it at all.
Working for myself is better for me, plus I pick and choose what I want.
These guys are lovely, but it’s a fantasy world, no way am o running off with anyone .
He seems to think I will, and I can’t change his mind of that
@Justthetwoofus2007
So what do you do ??? Its very confusing
You work for yourself and pick and choose… the guys are lovely but its a fantasy world…
He thinks im gonna run off with one of them…
Are you some kind of secret dominatrix or something ???
Camming is when someone is requested to perform certain activities, often sexual, in front of a webcam for paying clients . Related words: webcam model, cam girl, cam model, cam site.
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You can’t turn back time, sadly and frustratingly as it might solve a lot of peoples problems.
You can only move forward. Leaving the past in the past. Maybe it would help if you wrote a pros and cons list. Seeing positive things in black and white hopefully will give you a boost. Then what you would like to change in your relationship. Try tackling them one by one, it might not be so overwhelming for both you and your husband?
Sending you huge hugs. X
@Justthetwoofus2007 really feel for you both.
As a guy who is reasonably insecure at times, I can empathise. When I’m confident re: my OH’s feelings for me, I’m fine. But there are times when I don’t get that reassurance, and then past ‘thoughts’ come back to haunt me.
My suggestion: try your hardest to not react when he gets angry/upset etc… it’s just him trying to work it out. If you clam up because he seems agitated, that may actually make it worse.
If I’m down about something relating to my OH’s past, what helps is that she will stay in the conversation with me. Avoiding the topic, giving half-answers or trying to be dismissive can make it feel like you have things to hide. Even if that’s because you’re trying to make him feel like you don’t have feelings about it.
My OH will downplay things and give 1-2 word answers … but what I really want is engagement.
Things are ALWAYS better for me if my OH has allowed me to have my feelings, and work through them, rather than trying to shut them down because she’s worried about talking.
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Phew - it’s a lot going on @Justthetwoofus2007
Your in-laws sound like an absolute nightmare! This is clearly a challenging situation.
It’s great to see lots of people give you love and support here.
I’m in 12 step recovery for alcohol and drug use - I haven’t touched either for over 11 years.
My partner is also the same, so we share recovery. We were both fucked humans but now we have a great life (far from perfect, but for me - beyond my wildest dreams)
There is a saying in recovery, “if nothing changes, nothing changes” meaning that if you just carry on doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same outcomes.
It really sounds like you guys need some intervention - there is conflict, trauma and unresolved resentments that won’t go away unless they are addressed. He really needs to get into some kind of therapy with you and you both need to be heard and have your needs met.
From what you have said, it sounds like you both have some low esteem and not accepting your true value in life. That’s a common story.
I think you need some action in your lives; looking for new jobs, finding some new community and friends, realising your value in life.
For us, we have met a lot of people through doing service; helping others in various ways, and being part of groups like AA - where I have met the best and most valuable friends of my life.
Relationships are hard, and communication is a skill. You guys have some difficult things to deal with - I adore my wife and I love sex, but I would find it a challenge if she was camming. I would need some expert help.
I just think it makes sense to get help when needed - I wouldn’t try and fix the electrical wiring in my house on my own, I’d get an expert. The same applies to relationships.
I learned all this from my wife - I was really reluctant to do therapy together, but it’s been the most useful thing for us. It’s kept us together, made us stronger and I’m a better person for it.
Good luck - I really hope you can move the dial on all this.
Xxx
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Thank you, it’s hard to understand what’s going on when he doesn’t say, so it’s good to hear what it can mean.
I tried to have a chat with him last night, but I’m not sure he wanted to really listen.
He said he knows things aren’t right at the moment, and he misses are sex.
I tried to explain that I need turning on, that men and women are different, he said I use to just be horny.
I explained I’m not 20 I’m nearly 40, and I need mental stimulation to get me in the mood, he said but you’re pleasing me, isn’t that it?
I tried to be explain that I can’t get cum if im not touched. He said I touched you last week for 20 minutes and nothing!
I also explained that belittling me because I use toys, really puts shame on me, and saying things like I’ll be a bucket if I use dildos, it makes me feel like a joke.
I explained I pushed 10lbs out and went back to normal.
I’m not sure if he took anything seriously.
But I did pluck the courage to try.
I’m so glad you decided to stand up and try and discuss it all with him, he really needs a wake-up call.
This makes me so mad. There’s no effort, he’s not taking the time to focus on your wants and needs, only his own, and just expecting you to be satisfied. If he misses how the sex was that much, why is he not making an effort to change things?
The fact that he shames and belittles you for using toys is most likely a projection of his own feelings of inadequacy (the whole ‘am I not enough?’ shtick he’s got going, which is 100% not an excuse on his part), and he needs to realise that women who orgasm solely from penetrative sex are in the minority. He sounds super closed-minded and old-fashioned to me, women were not made solely for serving and pleasing men.
I really do hope that at least some of your words made it through to him, and that things improve, but still do seek out some form of support network. Even if do you choose remain with him, this will be highly beneficial for you in the long run. 
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You sound as if you’re in a really lonely place and very lost. Did you discuss camming with your hubby before you did it? Could that be why he had issues? Does he trust you as much as you trust him? I don’t really know what goes on in camming but would it help if you disposed of everything you wore/used that other guys had seen ? Buy new lingerie that only your hubby will see . You already pamper to his every need to make sure he’s happy but he should be making sure you’re happy too.
I’m not gonna say run, it’s hard but doable, I did it twice for different reasons. You want to work at it but your hubby needs to put effort in too . At the moment it feels like he’s using you just to get what he wants. That’s not love, that’s selfish on his part. It’s ok saying talk it through but if he’s not prepared to listen you’re just gonna get further and further back into your shell. It’s odd that he got you therapy but won’t give therapy for him a second thought. He could be really hurt and could be feeling he’s lost part of you ( and I don’t mean the 7.5 stone 
) . You haven’t cammed for months, so maybe the issues are from something else. Could he be resenting the fact you lost all that weight and got more confident. Maybe he didn’t like the fact you earned more than him. There’s definitely a lot of questions you need answered, I just don’t know how you’ll get him to open up without him getting angry. My heart goes out to you it really does, just know you’re not on your own , you have friends here who’ll support you every step of the way, I hope things work out the way you both want them to 
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Yes we did discuss it before I started, admittedly we went into it blindly.
I am absolutely not a confident person at all. I am really self conscious, I hate my body, I have since his mum died gained 5 stone back thro stress and anxiety.
He would say that I was confident, I’m
Not, camming made me feel even more insecure. Imagine 5000 girls available all shapes and sizes, and your sat like a piece of meat, waiting to be picked, honestly it sometimes made me feel like I was drowning. I am glad I’m not on there anymore.
Now I have my regulars, who treat me well, and respect I am a service to them, they pay me well, I don’t need to cam anymore.
Without sounding horrible, I would never leave my husband for someone who pays to wank over me, ever. They are my work, nothing more.
He just doesn’t seem to think that he’s actually doing anything wrong, and it’s a me problem.
I’ve now suggested couples counselling, he said we don’t need anyone telling us what we need.
So I guess I’m not gonna see any change, and I either live with it, or leave, neither are what I want.
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That’s so sad to be that broken 
I hope it’s not long before things change for the better. Best of luck moving forward
It is a really awful situation your in I’m send hug and love. Only you can make this decision and it is really hard. May I recommend you get some counselling/therapy for yourself it will probably help no matter what you decide to do, it will help rebuild your confidence.
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Hey
Ummm it’s a work in progress.
I’m looking at getting assessed for ADHD, as I have a lot of markers for it.
I get hypersensitive all the time, I find I get overwhelmed quickly and then I just zombie out of the situation when I realise what’s happening.
We’re talking more, we’re doing date night ever Friday. Plus he’s changed his job and alot happier, so on the whole is getting better.
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Wanted to do a little update as I’m not an avid contributor anymore. Xx
Still at his job, although great hours for him, early start early finish, the pay isn’t wonderful.
A lot of pressure for me to earn what we’re missing from him. I’d rather struggle myself than have him grumpy and horrible tho, so I’m sucking it up and just busting my ass.
We’re still on date nights, but it feels forced, and really it’s just an expense I can do without worry about at the minute. I think we’re all on the same boat with money not stretching as far as it once did.
I’m still working, I do a few cam calls in and out, but I’m mostly custom videos, knickers, tights, sexting etc.
I currently feel like I’m working 24/7 as I need to keep us on an even keel.
Sex just isn’t happening, foreplay is a distant memory.
He gets blow jobs and hand jobs, but sex he’s not at all interested in. The lack of intimacy is really getting me down.
So my question to those who are in sexless marriages, how do you keep going?
My counselling finishes on 31st, the place I go is closing down as they can’t get funding, so I’ve not really opened up at all, because I knew I’d have to learn to be alone with my thoughts again, and it’s easier to bury it, than start opening up and my feelings and emotions be left once they close.
He’s happy, he’s happy as he is, he doesn’t want us to talk to anyone or feel we need to. He says he’s the happiest he’s been in years, so I’m not gonna burst his bubble. I’d rather him happy than him angry and grumpy.
I’ve not been touched at all this year, so I’m looking at ways to stop counting everything I feel I’m missing, as I know it’s not healthy, I’ve joined slimming world, I’m having PT sessions at the gym 3 times a week, (doctors referral) so I’m trying to not feel shitty.
I work from home, so I can sort myself out during the day when he’s not here, but it’s really not the same.
He isn’t into me doing it whilst he’s home, or in bed together, it gives him the ick, I respect that and I don’t do it.
Any advice on coping skills.
He’s 48 I’m 39 for reference 
Just to add, he’s a great dad, and in the past with my own sexual trauma he honestly saved me, so please don’t bash him, I just need some help on how I deal with these life changes, not bash him.
Thank you x
It’s good to hear from you @Justthetwoofus2007 I’m so glad you have been able to sort out your working arrangements so hubby is not getting angry. I really think your sexual requirements are not being met and although hubby is happy , you are not. I think you need to try to talk with him to express your requirements. Overall you really have made a lot of progress. Good luck.
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