What to do when you want what you can't have..

Desire. Such a small word to describe the clenching of my gut and soul. It has turned me inside out and my thoughts upside down. I sat next to you while you drove; your forearm muscles bunched as you changed gear, my stomach muscles twisted along with them. You slammed the accelerator and my heart raced with it. Your hands thrill me. I watch you, hoping that you won’t notice my rapt attention. Every muscle flex, smile and glance my way conjures a wealth of desperate wanting. I want you. I want you to want me in the same way. I imagine us together in hidden places, furtive, illicit and frantic fucking which leaves us sweating, gasping and so completely aware of each other. But you don’t see me the same way. You tugged my hair, an affectionate gesture, my heart sank. You have a Fiancée – an almost wife. I am a Wife and a Mother - I am not free. Despair.

Despair.

Something you're currently going through LadyV?

Partly sums up how I've felt in the past!

Hm. Lust. Can be a very tempting and desirable emotion.

If I can't have what I want.. Well, I remind myself why I'm in this position and how it came about. And it usually leads to me knowing that I really do have what I want.. and that a little "variety" may perhaps be tempting at times but nothing compared to what I do have.

I have complex and strict personal values when it comes to infidelity. Well, not complex. It just won't happen. >.<

*Hugs* though LV. Hope you can work through your feelings and emotions.

Sulk...

It's a very weird situation. I've been and (still am actually) happily married and have been for nearly 20 years - i'm not a child. What's been so hard to deal with is the strength of the feelings that I've experienced.

I've only spent a couple of weeks with this guy at work, he usually works in a different part of the Country to me and so we've never met before. We've been thrown together for a project and actually only have two more days to go.

I am like a cat on heat around him - I literally spend hours experiencing little fanatasies in my head e.g shagging in the back of the van and in store cupboards! I follow him round like a sad 13 year old weanting his constant company.

i'm not sleeping at all, the one day this week that he went home I actually moped around at work - and my collegues all noticed. Not that they know the reason!

I never had a teenaged crush, I guess this is what they feel like, I've worked through it and think that the reasons that I find him soooo attractive are:

  1. He's my age - so younger and fitter than my OH - our sex life has suffered because of his poor fitness level - but still an identical physical type in appearence, so I fancy the arse off him.
  2. He's one of life's eternal children -the polar opposite of OH, I've haven't had so much fun, laughed so hard at work or at home in years .

there's no way i'll actually do anything other than mope. i also happen to believe very strongly in marital fidelity and there is no one worth fucking up everyone's life in my family for, plus like I said, he's engaged to his long term partner and I'm absolutely sure he has no designs on me at all.

Doesn't stop it from being actually physically painful - I'm dreading and looking forward to him leaving next week in equal measures.

I guess that you should be thankful for the wisdom that experience gives us.

You clearly know your own mind and see this for what it is. Be strong, be happy and in a perverse way, enjoy it for what it is.

Satchmo wrote:

I guess that you should be thankful for the wisdom that experience gives us.

You clearly know your own mind and see this for what it is. Be strong, be happy and in a perverse way, enjoy it for what it is.

Excellent advice

Thankyou everyone for your input - i'm really glad I had somewhere to literally let my mind dribble it's early hours contents with no judgement x

LadyVelvet wrote:

Thankyou everyone for your input - i'm really glad I had somewhere to literally let my mind dribble it's early hours contents with no judgement x

No-one should judge since they have no idea what you're life is like and what your circumstances are like. It's easy for people to get up on a pedestal and judge when they don't know the full facts!!

The majority of people here are just happy to help you work through things or listen to your musings

Let your mind dribble away lol

By the way, I can totally relate to some of what you typed, especially in respect of you moping because he left the office early! I have TOTALLY been here - feelings and emotions are VERY complex and you feel things even if you know you shouldn't; you just can't help it x

Oh the things lust can do. :(

I really feel where you're coming from, As I felt the same about someone some years ago now.

However, If I had done anything about it, An entire family would have been deeply hurt, Inc my little boy.

And for what? A few moments of passion? NO Thanks!

I know it's hard to deal with and it hurts like hell ( grown up crushes are like a raw version of falling in love in some way )

But you'll feel better for being the strong person for staying faithful! :)

And no im not judging as been there, done that.

But ive also been on the receiving end, And when Lady-J actually went through with what she wanted ( three times over ten years ) I can't begin to describe the pain it caused, Not just me but my little boy aswell.

I felt like my very soul had been torn to shreds.

Anyway, tis in the past now so hey ho. ( Sorry J xxx )

Just felt I could relate and help a little xx

Hi all, isn't funny how the simplest of things can cause so much misery. I know I'm lucky to have a dependable guy even if things aren't so rampant anymore. Perhaps I'm having a midluife crisis. If I was a man I could buy a motorbike and grow a ponytail!

I've hit the Gin in a vague attempt to get some sleep.

Tomorrow I'm going to follow Satchmo's advice and indulge and enjoy my fantasies.

OH turned up from work today with flowers for me. I'm hoping we can get some "us" time and get a bit of his jiggy back using the stored up tension of the day!

Yes, I think it's good to use the incident as a wake-up to try to put the excitement back in your marriage.

The thing could be a whole lot more difficult to to contain if the object of your desire also fancied the hell out of you.

LadyVelvet wrote:

Hi all, isn't funny how the simplest of things can cause so much misery. I know I'm lucky to have a dependable guy even if things aren't so rampant anymore. Perhaps I'm having a midluife crisis. If I was a man I could buy a motorbike and grow a ponytail!

I've hit the Gin in a vague attempt to get some sleep.

Tomorrow I'm going to follow Satchmo's advice and indulge and enjoy my fantasies.

OH turned up from work today with flowers for me. I'm hoping we can get some "us" time and get a bit of his jiggy back using the stored up tension of the day!

I agree with some of the great advice given. That new feeling of excitement can do wonders for your current situation with your partner. Try and use that sexual excitement with him. Perhaps changing it up and doing some kind of roleplay will reignite that sexual passion amongst you both.

As well as the negative thoughts that come with the crush- try and take in all the positives of it. Yes, you may miss him when he leaves etc but you can revel in your fantasies and soak up the ffect he gives when he is beside you.

You did say he reminded you of you partner too- just a somewhat "fitter" version. Perhaps hinting or joining a gym together with the OH could get things going in that department. It's nice to want to look good for eachother and keep that physical attraction burning. =]

Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

I agree very much with what the rest have said. It's clear you know what this is and therefore able to take it for exactly what it is - just a crush/lusting/need for excitement. If you try and work on putting that energy in to your husband then there will be no need for your mind to wander. Of course that is easier said than done. Have you introduced sex toys in to your love life? You never know, it could turn your world upside down. Having a read through the Lovehoney blog posts can be great food for thought in getting ideas to steer your man in the right direction for what you want.

As for the lack of sleeping, well, it's tough. You mind is probably awake with thinking of a wild and different life. You body is screaming for a shake-up in your daily routine. And if it is just simply a bit of boredom with routine - not neccisarily sex related - then that is a bit of a different problem. After 20 years of marraige doing pretty much the same thing day in day out, then youcertainly can't be blamed for being a bit bored. I've been with my man for 4 1/2 years and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm getting bored with the same routine.

Are you a writer or poet or something? Your first post was impressive. If it's not something you already do, then perhaps writing short stories or poems to release your tension will help you to organise your head and feelings a bit.

Apologies if this post is a bit all over the place, strong painkillers and the remains of a nasty head cold cause my brain to not work at full capacity...

Think this is a good idea.

One day I was TERRIBLY horny as a result of some stuff that was going on and I just felt I needed to "get it out" of my system. So I started writing a short erotic story.

Highly doubt I'll ever post it for anyone to read etc as half finished for a start, but all the things I was fantasising about at that moment went into the story and it helped just get things out of my mind!

Stories are good, I often do this, without going into detail, I can def relate to how you feel and I wish I had a solution for you, I don't though, but there's def been some good advice so far.

Hope you find the solace you search for xx

I only ever want what I can't have. If i can have it, i don't want it..... Anyone else like that? Perhaps it's a child like way to view things?

And wanting something too much will only lead to an anti climax in any case. The fantasy is usually better than any reality

i agree when you finally get it most times you do feel an anti climax

I shall disagree, in my case, the reality was everything the fantasy had been and more, but it made the situation much worse as still wasn't possible to have it.....

But this may have been a one-off and think it's probably more likely to be an anti-climax, I wish mine had have been, haha!