Are you the dominated? Or the dominant?

[Octavia]

Femdom all the way!!!

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Especially with my husband, I’m submissive (but spoiled.) Held down and filled up.

[James89]

I’m the sub for sure but only because my wife doesn’t like to be the sub herself. I would happily be the dominant though if she ever changed her mind!

[Serpentwand]

Not strongly one or the other but enjoy a bit of both. The problem with Mrs S is she seems to want to be dominant, the image of a dominatrix appeals to her, but doesn’t think men should be submissive. She has the idea that a submissive man is feminine and not a real man. So there’s a bit of a problem in how to let her express this - are we supposed to hit each other with stuff until one wins?

[mrssaffa]

He’s in charge. If I ever get to do dom-like things it’s because he told me to
I have a strong personality which he matches outside the bedroom but I absolutely love being outmatched in the bedroom. He facilitates a space for me to sink in to my inner feminine and he in turn gets to embrace his full masculine power, entwined in the experience together, and that works for us.

[mrssaffa]

@Serpentwand
In this BDSM advice thread I felt @Anony articulated this complex topic really well, worth a read through what they said, it definitely got me thinking about it and stepping out of my limiting mindset.

[Nipplay]

I like either but increasingly prefer to be the sub. Especially when she wants me to wear my chastity cage and teases me whilst I am nipple clamped

[emandjoe]

I love being dominated, especially when it’s spontaneous. Recently I came out the shower naked and Joe saw me picked me up, put me on the bed and fingered me, it was so hot and I came very quickly (em)

[LRLRL]

This thread is fantastic - thanks for sharing and bringing it to our attention!

@Serpentwand - my wife and I are pretty switchy. We both equally enjoy domming and subbing, kind of just a mood thing. But one of the things my wife has said she enjoys most is the feeling when she steps into a scene and finds me - 6 foot 3, a fit & robust 220 lbs - on my knees in a collar, harness, and thong, at her disposal and ready to be used and abused. She doesn’t view me as a submissive man, she sees me as I am - a big, strong, capable man submitting to her desires. I’d compare it to a bridled and yoked craft horse, ready to do the labor. Nobody looks at that beast and says “what a pathetic, submissive animal.” They see the strength and the training and the capacity that is ready to be controlled for a purpose.

I don’t know how to help you and your wife find that balance, but I most things start with conversation outside of the bedroom before you can help negotiate the scene. I suspect there’s something at play that y’all should be able to work to a scenario that is pleasing to both. Maybe a scene where you are not submissive, but resistant, until beaten into submission. Or maybe she wants to be a brat that tops from the bottom. I believe in you!