My hubby almost chopped his thumb off in a work accident and his hand was a right mess. He got up next day and went to work and i didn’t agree but i backed him. Always got his back against anyone, anything, he knows that.
If he is blaming himself for his childrens autism that in itself must be very hard on him and the knock on effect onto you too.
Wow this thread has taken a huge turn…he needs help and it’s your help he needs firstly. Talk…talk and talk more. It will be hard for both of you but will make you both stronger. Find out his triggers… and mostly try to understand why it IS a trigger in the first place…
Your sex life will get better the more you understand his boundaries and him knowing you won’t push those will be a great help for him too. You have everything else…it will be great once you’ve tweaked it.
I could write a book…I’ve talked to many parents…grandparents and undiagnosed adults the more it’s out there the better the understanding will be. Sorry if I’ve been waffling.
Again Good Luck
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Is he ok now?
That’s ultimately love!!
My queen hates a lot of things I do but much as she don’t agree she backs me the same way you do x
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Firstly, thank you @CurvyJilly your comment has been an eye opener for me.
I think most of it is down to the fact i don’t always think of my husband as someone on the spectrum which is probably crazy given that autism is a big part of our lives.
Part of me wishes i hadn’t posted my original post but i’m glad i did too because had you not commented i may never of gone back to thinking is it all because he’s on the spectrum and he’s struggling.
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Yeah he’s fine now thanks.
I love the things he does, i hate the things he does, some of what he does drives me crazy but i’ve loved that man since i was 16 and i’ll always have his back no matter what.
@MissGG69 Wow this thread has covered a spectrum of just about everything . I feel for you as my wife is disabled and has zero interest in sex or touch for almost 20 years . The one topic I did not see anyone mention is has he been tested for his testosterone levels ? I have a number of friends from 40 years old right on up that have been on treatment for years . Most said that they had been preforming poorly which really killed their interest in sex . They also lost drive and energy for many things . Most said they did much better after getting treatment sexually and physically and mentally . I personally miss caress and touch more than sex itself . Hope the group effort helps you both !
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That’s interesting, cos i do that. I have been to work with 10 stitches in my hand after a nasty bandsaw accident, 10 stitches in my leg, broken thumb to name a few. I don’t take time off unless it’s serious!
It has been pointed out that one day i will turn up at work, not realising i am dead!
It may be a trait!
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It’s also the work ethic…employing autistic employees in some work places is seen as a bonus…I know of some who have been given larger spaces… and quieter areas etc. It’s worth it to them for the extra…
Because they are trustworthy…reliable…don’t ring in sick…never late…finish off work before leaving…don’t lie are tidy and are kind…
Not saying no one else is like this at all…just something I’ve heard about with some employers
All these traits are so fabulous in a relationship too.
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This is exactly what I say about 2 of our kids. I’ve got autism and so have they. I’ve also got a very rare chromosome microdeletion syndrome, which can affect day to day life in many aspects, and I’ve passed it on to our daughter, every day I feel terrible and it kills me that I’ve passed these on to our kids.
Hubby just says to me I’m not at fault in any way, and I shouldn’t blame myself. He wouldn’t change a thing about them and who they are, and I’ve done an amazing job as a mum.
With me I say to him why do you put up with me and my ways, he says simple, I love you, this is the person I fell in love with, you wouldn’t be you otherwise. I think I’d be lost without him 
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When i first met my husband i asked him what the scars on his stomach were from. Deep scars like long gashes from bottom of stomach to roughly his ribs. He told me he’d been in a car accident when he was 18 and went through the windscreen.
He has other scars on face and arms but it was the stomach ones that had me curious as to why they were so deep as surely he’d been stitched up.
He went on to tell me that he walked away from the crash hurt, cut open, bleeding and went home and patched himself up and the reason the scars were so deep was because he’d never had them stitched.
To the point of having a sharp tongue in my husbands case and something i had to learn to live with. He can often come across as cruel with his words but to him he’s just being truthful.
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I must admit this me, it’s definitely an autism trait being blunt, and it coming across that way, but to me I say it as it is. People can take it that it’s being rude, but it really isn’t 
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Many people have said how rude he is, even his own family. Me? I’ve learned to just leave him to it unless it’s directed at me and then i can often get a bit blunt with words myself.
I have to admit though that i do love how he just says what he wants to and doesn’t care what people think.
I can be the same just not in the same way.
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It always makes my heart heavy when i hear others blaming themselves. It cannot be helped and there is no way to change it, no need for blame.
We must embrace the beauty that is our nature.
It is lovely to hear that you have such a loving, caring husband.
Yes some don’t like the truth…it’s remembering not to ask if you don’t want to hear it quite yet.
It’s a massive learning curve…but for me I’d rather have the truth that hurts than lies that don’t…because further down the line they will…they do…and they DO hurt more. Know where you stand from the start…it’s easier
I’m so pleased you had the courage to speak out @MissGG69 it’s not easy to do.
There are so many struggling with relationships and human contact…and everything else that autism can throw out too. It’s a real daily struggle that isn’t seen.
Sometimes as the saying goes…“it’s good to talk” makes you feel not quite so alone and although doesn’t make it go away…makes it easier to understand and to deal with too.
Again good luck and hope it all clicks into place and you can move forward together.
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As a spiritual life coach one thing i highlight to others is the importance of being open about how you feel. Breathe into it, be truthful, talk anything and everything over with someone you trust.
I need to remember to practice what i teach.
Thanks again @CurvyJilly
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Good,
That’s the ultimate relationship!!!
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Just thinking out loud here, do you and him watch porn together?
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Yes, that is something we’ve done quite a lot through our relationship.
Does that not help stimulate the intimacy between you?