I just dont understand how people can be so stupid as to get STDs these days, is it really that hard just to wear a condom. If you're that drunk or out of your mind where putting it on is impossible then you shouldnt be having sex anyway. This totally isnt aimed at you AA if you were thinking that although I think its weird what you did. People who have risky sex dont make sense to me, I cant think of any reason where it might be worth the consequences.
Sorry if that sounded preachy but I have issues with the whole rise in STDs thing especially as its in my age group.
See, that really annoys me. It is a human trait to make mistakes, and it's normal to have moments in life that you make foolish decisions - making people feel terrible for them isn't at all helpful. We all SHOULD know better and I suspect the vast majority do, but we are all human.
I can see both sides to this discussion, but just a note to say that I feel what AA does is her own perogative, as long as she isn't putting anyone else at risk (which with regular STI tests she isn't!) then if she feels the risk of no condoms is worth the benefit then who are we to judge? We all of course worry about your safety AA, and I'm imagining that's why a few people have been asking questions about your practises, we'd hate for you to catch one of the "nasties" that are more permanant than a mild infection but if you feel that you're taking all the necessary precautions for yourself then it's your decision....you've obviously thought about it and you are being responsible just in a different way to what is considered "the norm". I personally think everyone should use condoms with a new partner, but they aren't the end of the story, if people were taking ALL the necessary precautions then they would also refrain from giving head without a condom (or some other form of barrier method) aswell, yet it's not as "shocking" when a person does give head without a condom.
My personal opinion is that condoms are necessary for new partners, but I wouldn't judge someone who didn't use them as long as they aren't harming anyone else! I am a little concerned for your health AA, but of course, your health - it's your responsibilty so who am I to question your methods?!
Just wanted to give a different perspective as I think this discussion seemed to be getting a bit heated External Media
imeldaimelda wrote:
To throw my two pence in, I think taking the decision to have unprotected sex with a long term partner is actually really hard. And surprisingly so! It depends on your attitude obviously, but for me I found it a very strong experience when me and my ex tried non-barrier sex for the first time. Fun but way more intimate probably because of the trust involved.
I completely agree with this! The first time me and my OH didn't use condoms - a year after getting together and we were each others firsts - it was really intensly intimate! Such a big decision, the way I see it is, you're basically saying to each other "I trust you with my life" (in terms of the worst case scenario STIs) and you're saying "I love you enough to know that I could deal with an unplanned pregnancy with you"....that's in my case anyway, we always "doubled up" because I take the risk of becoming pregnant so seriously. Now we just use one method of contraception.
I can see both sides to this discussion, but just a note to say that I feel what AA does is her own perogative, as long as she isn't putting anyone else at risk (which with regular STI tests she isn't!) then if she feels the risk of no condoms is worth the benefit then who are we to judge? WAx
If you sleep with someone without knowing you're clean or not first, you're putting someone at risk. Not all diseases are caught instantly, some can lie dormant with no symptoms and be passed along. There are so many different factors to consider that I can't fathom not wearing a condom with a new partner. With a long-term partner, yeah it's their perogative to take a risk... but with a new partner? Telling them *some* of your history and insisting you get regualr tests is tantamount to lying to them. In fact, it IS lying to them.
Catching an STI is not like catching a cold. They can leave you infertile. They can kill you. They can ruin your sex life forever. I agree that STIs should not have such a negative stigma attached, but the fact remains that they're serious diseases; not a dose of the sniffles.
I'm really gobsmacked, tbh. I've been guilty of a few silly decisions in the heat of the moment and yes, I've had unprotected sex... but I would never do so intentionally. I would be totally and utterly mortified to pass along a disease to a partner, and to calculatedly do so is just so far beyond what I consider acceptable behaviour that I'm at a loss for words.
Suffice it to say that scenarios like this are *exactly* why you cannot trust someone when it comes to casual sex, and *exactly* why I walk away if a new partner tries to have unprotected sex with me. It's just not on.
I can see both sides to this discussion, but just a note to say that I feel what AA does is her own perogative, as long as she isn't putting anyone else at risk (which with regular STI tests she isn't!) then if she feels the risk of no condoms is worth the benefit then who are we to judge? WAx
If you sleep with someone without knowing you're clean or not first, you're putting someone at risk. Not all diseases are caught instantly, some can lie dormant with no symptoms and be passed along. There are so many different factors to consider that I can't fathom not wearing a condom with a new partner. With a long-term partner, yeah it's their perogative to take a risk... but with a new partner? Telling them *some* of your history and insisting you get regualr tests is tantamount to lying to them. In fact, it IS lying to them.
Catching an STI is not like catching a cold. They can leave you infertile. They can kill you. They can ruin your sex life forever. I agree that STIs should not have such a negative stigma attached, but the fact remains that they're serious diseases; not a dose of the sniffles.
I'm really gobsmacked, tbh. I've been guilty of a few silly decisions in the heat of the moment and yes, I've had unprotected sex... but I would never do so intentionally. I would be totally and utterly mortified to pass along a disease to a partner, and to calculatedly do so is just so far beyond what I consider acceptable behaviour that I'm at a loss for words.
Suffice it to say that scenarios like this are *exactly* why you cannot trust someone when it comes to casual sex, and *exactly* why I walk away if a new partner tries to have unprotected sex with me. It's just not on.
My point was directed at the backlash towards AA, if she isn't putting anyone at risk then what she does is up to her....I'm not saying I agree with her practises, but I think we shouldn't sit on our high horses when a lot people probably do give head without condoms and don't get regularly tested because they are using condoms for penetrative sex. Of course it should be considered that STIs can lay dormant, and that should be taken into account when using a regular testing method but as long as you can be SURE you're clean then you're not harming anyone else - of course the other person can't be SURE you're telling the truth, and of course they have the right to refuse sex without a condom. I just think AA is being judged about something when we don't really know HOW careful she is being....it may be that she ALWAYS waits a set number of months between partners to be sure she's been tested for possible dormant STIs.
I do agree with everything you say shellyboo, I just wanted to calm down the argument that felt a little too directed at AA and that's why I posted my post. I personally wouldn't accept "I've been tested" from anyone new, but that's my right, it's also there right to say "I won't use a condom - I'd rather not have sex" my answer would be "ok then, no sex"...we're all adults, we don't have to judge people for there decisions, everyone has the right to say no to sex if they feel it may damage their health.
I don't want to get involved in arguments, I just want people to bear in mind that we shouldn't be judgemental if we don't know all the facts is all.
I do agree with everything you say shellyboo, I just wanted to calm down the argument that felt a little too directed at AA and that's why I posted my post. I personally wouldn't accept "I've been tested" from anyone new, but that's my right, it's also there right to say "I won't use a condom - I'd rather not have sex" my answer would be "ok then, no sex"...we're all adults, we don't have to judge people for there decisions, everyone has the right to say no to sex if they feel it may damage their health.
That's totally fine and I respect what you're trying to do - but I don't think anyone, not even AA who I really like and respect, should be able to intentionally give someone an STI without a little backlash and a major reality check. It's just not ok.
Can someone explin what they refer to when the say STI/STD's can lay "dormont" - Except in the case of Herpes i dont think this is the case - ie you can have re-current episodes of it, and therefore it could be in a dormont period.
As far as im aware no others share this trait. There may be a differing period from contracting to showing symptoms (in such cases where symptoms will actually present themselves) - its important to distinguish because they dont lay dormont per se, they just dont present readily defineable symptoms.
Further, knowingly infecting someone else with anything no matter what your motives is quite possibly one of the most morally reprehensible things someone can do
Can someone explin what they refer to when the say STI/STD's can lay "dormont" - Except in the case of Herpes i dont think this is the case - ie you can have re-current episodes of it, and therefore it could be in a dormont period.
As far as im aware no others share this trait. There may be a differing period from contracting to showing symptoms (in such cases where symptoms will actually present themselves) - its important to distinguish because they dont lay dormont per se, they just dont present readily defineable symptoms.
Further, knowingly infecting someone else with anything no matter what your motives is quite possibly one of the most morally reprehensible things someone can do
I believe that's what they mean when we say they lay dormant - you can have an STD without knowing it because you're not having any symptoms from it yet.
For that reason, it's a good idea to get tested even if you dont think you have anything, since you may well have one but dont know it because you havent had any symptoms.
Can someone explin what they refer to when the say STI/STD's can lay "dormont" - Except in the case of Herpes i dont think this is the case - ie you can have re-current episodes of it, and therefore it could be in a dormont period.
As far as im aware no others share this trait. There may be a differing period from contracting to showing symptoms (in such cases where symptoms will actually present themselves) - its important to distinguish because they dont lay dormont per se, they just dont present readily defineable symptoms.
I believe syphilis also has latent stage between the three active/symptomatic stages.
Can someone explin what they refer to when the say STI/STD's can lay "dormont" - Except in the case of Herpes i dont think this is the case - ie you can have re-current episodes of it, and therefore it could be in a dormont period.
As far as im aware no others share this trait. There may be a differing period from contracting to showing symptoms (in such cases where symptoms will actually present themselves) - its important to distinguish because they dont lay dormont per se, they just dont present readily defineable symptoms.
Further, knowingly infecting someone else with anything no matter what your motives is quite possibly one of the most morally reprehensible things someone can do
HIV is undetectable for a few months after a person catches it, it can then lay dormant for upto 20 years before you suffer any ill health from it....the point in discussing dormancy was just to highlight that for *some* STIs you can't detect them right away even if you get tested - it is one of the reasons when you give blood they insist on you waiting at least a year (or never being able to give blood in some cases) if you have engaged in something that increases your risk of contracting HIV.
As has been said - this is a heated discussion, shellyboo I respect you for withdrawing from the discussion after seeing no common ground is likely to be met. AA I respect you for at least considering to alter your practises if the need ever arises. I think we all need to agree to leave this subject closed for the time being. I too am withdrawing from the discussion and think we should get back on topic, this heated discussion may be putting others off of replying to the original question...
Hello, mooching round the forums so I thought I'd ressurect a dead thread.
Confession here, so please don't judge - The one time I didn't use a condom with a new partner, I caught chlamydia. I don't know how long I had it for and I'm terrified that I'm now infertile.
I didn't have any symptoms at first, so I probably had it for at least two months. As far as I'm aware, the NHS don't offer fertility tests unless you're trying to get pregnant, which I'm not at the moment (I'm ready but Mr BLC isn't.). I don't have the money to have private tests.
Mr BLC and I had a year-long hiatus from each other not long after we first got together. We saw/slept with other people because we genuinely though it was over between us. We were both a little, erm, loose in morals while we were apart (I had three sexual partners in that year and at least one epsiode of non-penatrative fooling around) and Mr BLC had at least two (that he remembers!).
With one of the partners I drunkenly didn't use a condom, and with another the condom slipped off. I still to this day do not know who I caught it from, I never found out about any of their subsequent test results.
I was sucessfully treated and we both got re-tested before we got back together. But that stupid year of my life might have ruined my hopes of ever becoming a mother.
Hello, mooching round the forums so I thought I'd ressurect a dead thread.
Confession here, so please don't judge - The one time I didn't use a condom with a new partner, I caught chlamydia. I don't know how long I had it for and I'm terrified that I'm now infertile.
I didn't have any symptoms at first, so I probably had it for at least two months. As far as I'm aware, the NHS don't offer fertility tests unless you're trying to get pregnant, which I'm not at the moment (I'm ready but Mr BLC isn't.). I don't have the money to have private tests.
Mr BLC and I had a year-long hiatus from each other not long after we first got together. We saw/slept with other people because we genuinely though it was over between us. We were both a little, erm, loose in morals while we were apart (I had three sexual partners in that year and at least one epsiode of non-penatrative fooling around) and Mr BLC had at least two (that he remembers!).
With one of the partners I drunkenly didn't use a condom, and with another the condom slipped off. I still to this day do not know who I caught it from, I never found out about any of their subsequent test results.
I was sucessfully treated and we both got re-tested before we got back together. But that stupid year of my life might have ruined my hopes of ever becoming a mother.
Hi BLC - just a quick reply as I have to dash of to uni but your post struck a cord with me- I too worry about my fertility, not due to an STI but I still have the worry and it's not fun! No judgements from me btw!
I just wanted to offer some reassurance - a quick scoot online has found this quote from the National Chlamydia Screening Programme - "It is untreated chlamydia that may result in infertility. There may be a greater likelihood of chlamydia causing infertility if you have repeated infections or if it remains untreated. ". So It's very likely you are fine! The website is - http://www.chlamydiascreening.nhs.uk/index.htm if you want anymore info.
External Media thanks for sharing your story - it's important that people understand the importance of regular testing!
Thanks AdnaW, I'm just having a quick mooch on the site now. If my story makes just one person stop and think about protecting and testing themselves, it will be a story worth telling! x
hiya BLC. no one here will judge you hun. accidents happen, and you did the right thing by getting tested.
the doctors offered me a chalmydia screening about a week ago when i went to get my repeat percription of cezarrette. i didn't take them up on the offer because i had one six months ago ( it was all clear), and haven't changed partner since. i think when im settled down on this pill again i'm going to go to the GUM clinic and have a full test, so i know for myself that everyhthings all clear.
You see I used to get tested regularly because I was undergoing testing for diagnosis but since leaving that process I haven't been tested. I've been with WandA since 15 and know neither of us will ever have sex with another as long as we are together so I've not really thought to get tested again, but maybe it's worth doing anyway, it's free and you never know do you.
Well I think I'm bloody lucky. By rights I should have been pregnant a million times over and riddled with every disease under the sun. But I haven't been and I'm not. It's not that I don't believe in contraception, I do, I'm just not very good at being proactive about it. Oh, I'm great about getting tested, I'm just not great at the 'condom' chat. HOWEVER, saying all that, as I'm getting older, I now find it easier to say 'bring your condoms' as opposed to blushing ten shades of red and saying 'er um er stutter stutter'
As for a GUM clinic, I've never been for myself. All my tests have been done at my local surgery.
My last boyfriend and I got thrush... I went to the doctor, she gave me a prescription and blah it was all gone. He on the other hand acted like he was about to lose his penis and trotted up to the GUM clinic who made out like I was a mega slut even though it was only thrush. It was all about my sexual history (hadn't slept with anyone for over a year and had been checked in the inbetween) and that it came from me etc. On that basis alone, I will stick with my local gp and the GUM clinic can go screw themselves.
My last boyfriend and I got thrush... I went to the doctor, she gave me a prescription and blah it was all gone. He on the other hand acted like he was about to lose his penis and trotted up to the GUM clinic who made out like I was a mega slut even though it was only thrush. It was all about my sexual history (hadn't slept with anyone for over a year and had been checked in the inbetween) and that it came from me etc. On that basis alone, I will stick with my local gp and the GUM clinic can go screw themselves.
men can develop thrush too. theres no conclusive way to say whos passed it onto who. i would have filed a complaint if it was me!
Hello, mooching round the forums so I thought I'd ressurect a dead thread.
Confession here, so please don't judge - The one time I didn't use a condom with a new partner, I caught chlamydia. I don't know how long I had it for and I'm terrified that I'm now infertile.
I didn't have any symptoms at first, so I probably had it for at least two months. As far as I'm aware, the NHS don't offer fertility tests unless you're trying to get pregnant, which I'm not at the moment (I'm ready but Mr BLC isn't.). I don't have the money to have private tests.
Mr BLC and I had a year-long hiatus from each other not long after we first got together. We saw/slept with other people because we genuinely though it was over between us. We were both a little, erm, loose in morals while we were apart (I had three sexual partners in that year and at least one epsiode of non-penatrative fooling around) and Mr BLC had at least two (that he remembers!).
With one of the partners I drunkenly didn't use a condom, and with another the condom slipped off. I still to this day do not know who I caught it from, I never found out about any of their subsequent test results.
I was sucessfully treated and we both got re-tested before we got back together. But that stupid year of my life might have ruined my hopes of ever becoming a mother.
Hiya, have you spoken to your GP about your concerns? My friend was trying to get pregnant and she used an ovilation kit, i'm not sure if that would help put your mind at rest? *hugs*
I had been with my previous partner 3 years when i found out he had cheated on me with his ex. We split up because of it, i couldn't trust him anymore. Anyway i was single for about 8 months before i met my husband, then a month in to our relationship my ex phoned me and said he had contracted warts from her and i needed to get tested. I was mortified, i had to tell my new boyfriend (now my husband) and he had to be tested too even though we had always used condoms. Luckily we were both clear. The staff and nurses at the clinic were brilliant, really kind and sympathetic. External Media
Thanks everyone for your support and info, I do feel a little better now knowing that I probably would have needed to have it a lot longer than I did to cause any real damage
Ilovemyman - Thanks hun, I'm not trying to get pregnant at the moment, (Mr BLC ain't ready) but when we do start trying I'll check those ovulation kits out, they sound pretty good. Thanks!
