Having pointed that out, it sounds like you both need to talk more about where you are and what you want - these things change all the time between couples, so regular updates can help.
There is nothing wrong with anyone having solo time - please don’t see it as rejection, because it isn’t - but it does sound like the two of you could benefit from talking more openly.
It is also normal for your libido to dip - just keep talking.
I don’t assume to know much about gender issues. But I do know that you both add a great deal to this forum, and I don’t think anyone has meant to cause offence - we all want to help and to understand.
So let’s use that to help out @Softkitty30 in her specific situation? It is her thread… I think she has left and started a different one. Is that what we want?
(banging heads together) - is there an emoji for that?
I can see both of your concerns, but this thread is about @Softkitty30 and we should be helping her, not arguing about terminology and not leaving in an angry way - nothing about any of that helps her.
Sorry to be grumpy - I’m tired and I don’t want to see forum friends falling out at the expense of offering support to newcomers.
I’ve re-read my posts again this morning, and I think everything I’ve said has been relevant and friendly? I did ask for clarification on one point (as it sounded rather old-fashioned), but that’s quite normal.
If anyone wants me to edit anything just highlight any parts you have issue with.
I think the thing I would also add to ‘always being the one to initiate’, is that they’re also the main one opening themselves up to rejection all the time, which can get a bit raw.
Hopefully you’ve had a chance to talk with him by now. Let us know how you got on.
We’ve both caught each other masturbating in fairness. We both respect that its nice to have some solo time and we bring the fantasies into the bedroom too
‘Caught’ has connotations that he was doing something wrong. I’m surprised there are still people out there that consider masturbation in a relationship to be a problem. I thought the days of people thinking their other half pleasuring themselves was a reflection of relationship problems were long gone.
Of course, that’s not to say that isn’t the case, but it certainly isn’t the only option. Masturbation is not cheating, it’s not neglect, it’s not a replacement. Many times, like others have said, masturbation is self-exploration or a quick satisfaction of a need. My partner and I have a very active sex love but I still enjoy masturbating and do does he. We do it together, we do it in private and it’s about as much of an issue as having a cup of tea.
Your situation may be different though, and ultimately if it’s an issue to you, you need to talk to your partner. They are the only one who is going to be able to answer your questions. Sit down with him, talk with him, listen to him. It could be a really healthy conversation for your relationship moving forward.
I know we don’t all know each other IRL, but we all spend time on here talking about our lives - it feels to me that we all know each other to a degree so it is sad when someone leaves and takes all their contributions to conversations over the years with them.
Happens all the time on FB, but not often at Lovehoney.
So, anyone can see these forums without being a member - if you are reading, Alicia4Ever, you are missed. I don’t know why you made the decision to leave but I hope things work out for you and I wish you well xxx
It is sad, over the years people i liked and had a good rapport with have just slipped away. It makes you wonder why, if they’re ok, is it something here or in their private lives?
I know we all have different opinions and ideas, but this is such a positive place, it’s very rare anyone gets offended enough to leave.
In defence of @Ian_Chimp i don’t think he was offensive in any way. He’s a definite positive, helpful force on here.
Agreed, on all counts - a very insightful comment @WillC
No one has been offensive - that is part of what upsets me. I feel sure that on a different day @anon34682917 might have taken a different course of action.
Who knows…
@MsR i think you’re right, it may have been a heat of the moment reaction on a bad day. You do get fond of certain people and it is sad when they disappear. Sometimes they come back years later, sometimes not at all. We are seeing a fair few return to the new forum.
I’ve been married to my OH for 30years next year and we have the same open and honest relationship now as we did when we first met it’s all about communication with one another open frank discussion on all topics especially sex related so @Softkitty30 sit down with your OH or lie in bed and discuss how you feel about his masturbation habits and yours and get it off your chest let him know your always there to lend a hand if needed
Did read something about men that are brought up by strong willed mothers need to assert their independence and do this by hand. They also find it hard to give up this up when they form relationships.
It is not a conscious action and does not mean anything in terms of how they feel towards a partner.
Nothing wrong with you at all and nothing you are not doing for him, just sometimes anyone, whether married or not may feel a need to get off and take care of business. Some also may not. Having some private time and masturbating is often the most convenient way to get the done. Some times it may be men do this more, sometimes women.
I like to masturbate in the shower in a morning and my boyfriend often sees / hears me and has no problem with this.
Solo time is a healthy part of a good relationship. There should be nothing to be ashamed about it. It is best to talk about it and remove the embarrassment. We had this chat early in our relationship and ended up demonstrating to each other how we do it alone. That was quite exciting and also liberating. From then on we always told each other when we had indulged ourselves. . This also led to us masturbating together usually sitting opposite each other now that is really sensual. Try it I recommend it.
I have a higher sex drive than my wife, so do masturbate a couple of times in the week solo. She doesn’t mind, and accepts she just has a lower sex drive, so this way I don’t put pressure on her and I fulfill my needs. I don’t openly tell her I’m off to pleasure myself. Seems to work ok.
I did ask for clarification on one point (as it sounded rather old-fashioned), but that’s quite normal.
. This also led to us masturbating together usually sitting opposite each other now that is really sensual. Try it I recommend it. 