Our old pub landlord sent one of the new cellar lads out to get a glass hammer as a wind up. The kid came back with a ‘break glass hammer’ from the local hardware store. 
Smart/stupid? I still don’t know.
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@Ian_Chimp probably a bit of both! We also sent one for a new bubble for the spirit level on the weighing scales!
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sky hook or a long stand
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Another one…i worked in the steel industry for 25 years, we had to wear boilersuits, which were cleaned by a specialist company. We had about 5 pairs each and put them in a collection bin to be cleaned, and clean suits were put in our own personal lockers. At one point, we had a bit of trouble with them and we weren’t getting clean ones in our lockers. One day i was down to the last one in my locker, but when i put it on, the legs were far too long, so i got some scissors and cut the legs to suit my height. Once dirty i threw the boiler suit in the collection locker, it was then that i noticed the name in the collar wasn’t mine, but that of a much taller workmate.
When the overalls were cleaned they were also inspected for damage and repaired if needed. So they hemmed the ragged edge of the trousers, taking them up more.
When my mate actually got the overalls back in his correct locker and put them on, he bellowed “WTF has happened to these?” As the legs of the overalls were now just below his knees! I never did tell him it was my fault! 
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Another steel industry one…we used to have small skips next to our machines for putting scrap metal in. They had a hinge in the base and a metal pin, to hold the latch in place. Once full we had to use the overhead crane to take the small skip up the bay to a big skip, and empty it into the big skip. One time, the pin failed as the skip was going up the bay, the hinged bottom fell open, dropping tonnes of metal onto the floor with a huge bang. Thankfully nobody was injured, but the skip had to be lowered to the floor, ready for the health and safety investigation. While a colleague went to get the FHSO and managers, another colleague got an old boiler suit, stuffed the legs with cleaning rags and positioned the “legs” including work boots, sticking out from under the skip. When the manager came down, he nearly passed out at the sight of the “casualty”. Fortunately he saw the funny side once he calmed down, but said if anyone did anything like that again, they’d be sacked. Yes, it was a bit inappropriate, but that’s the type of humour that you get in dangerous jobs.
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As this is also a “worst thing” topic…working in the butchers, dicing pig kidneys, slice into one and get a squirt of pig pee in the face…
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This is something i witnessed while at work…when i had my butchers job there was an MEB (Midlands Electricity Board remember them? ) opposite that sold electrical goods, a chap in an Escort XR3 parked outside and loaded a tumble dryer into the boot. If you remember the design of an XR3, it had a sloping hatchback. Well he then grabbed the hatch and slammed it down, not realising the tumble dryer was not sloped! Cue shattering glass as the window broke. It was funny, but i felt so sorry for his mistake.
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Think this is just my mean streak coming out…
A long time ago I was a mortgage underwriter and used to have to check incomes etc from the application against the proofs sent in.
Some mortgage brokers would input ridiculous things to inflate the income (like basic salary of £25,000 and monthly overtime of £5,000 - extremely unlikely!) and when the figures were corrected, the mortgage would be declined because the people couldn’t responsibly afford it.
When telling the brokers this, they had one of two responses, the second ones were my favourite 
1 - they realised what they had done and were very apologetic. Lovely, no problem there.
2 - the ones that kicked off and insisted they had done everything right and I was wrong. I used to take twisted pleasure in referring them back to the part of the application where they had keyed the income so wildly wrong.
Some of them still wouldn’t accept it even when it was in front of them in black and white… it was all our fault and they were going to tell their client that we’d changed our mind etc etc. The number of times they said “My client will put in a complaint” only to be shot down with “That’s fine if they want to do that; I totally understand. From working in complaints though I can tell you that in all likelihood, it will be investigated and we will go back to the customer to let them know that the income was inaccurate on the application and when it was corrected, the mortgage was not affordable so you may wish to take this up with your broker who submitted the application…” That generally shut them up!
I did feel for the customers in these scenarios, they’re paying a professional to make sure they get things right and the professional screws up. It happens, we’re all human, but it’s the attitude that would get my back up and my inner bitch to come out to play.
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Poor guy!
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When i worked in the butchers when i was a kid we had a regular customer called Gladys (Glad for short), a proper old granny like Les Dawson used to impersonate. Whenever she came in, my naughty colleague always started to sing “Feeling glad all over” and she always gave him a withering look, like a bulldog chewing a wasp!
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Another one! …when i worked in the steel industry most of the machines required a two man team to operate them. As i was very easy to get on with and a voice of reason, i was often partnered with the more cantankerous guys, a sort of “Knobhead Whisperer” .
One day i was working with a chap who was a nice guy, but never happy unless he was unhappy, if that makes sense? We had to change felt wipers that cleaned slurry off the steel every so often. It was quite fiddly and as i was changing one, it dropped down out of my reach. As my mate was much taller and had longer arms, he reached into the machinery to grab it. As he did, he slightly caught the peak of his hard hat on the machine, he detested wearing it.
Next thing i know, his hard hat goes flying across the bay, landing on the floor, he then storms across and boots it up the wall, the ear defenders that were once attached flying in different directions! He then went storming off. A supervisor came along and asked where ***** was? I replied, that i thought he’d gone to the toilet!
About 10 minutes later, he comes hobbling back saying " I don’t think i should have done that Bill, i’ve knackered my knee" 
Then a few days later, a supervisor annoyed him, so he walked over to his own locker and elbowed it hard, injuring his arm and denting the door! The next day, some joker had stuck a picture of the poster for The Hurt Locker on his locker! 
I used to joke, that before we started work i was going to light scented candles on our machine and play whale song on my phone to keep him calm! 
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This is a recent one…i was on my break at work, and one of my colleagues was just about to start her shift, but was about 30 minutes early. She had come to work on the bus wearing a full face shield. She sat in the staff lounge at the other end of the table from me, and whilst chatting to me, got out a pasta salad bowl and began eating it, with the face shield still on. She was squeezing the tablespoon up between the shield and her mouth. I am looking at my phone (The LH Forum obviously!) trying to avoid eye contact, as she now has the salad dressing smeared on the inside of the shield. It was taking all my self control not to laugh! When she finished, i did the right thing and told her that she had a “bit” of sauce on her shield!
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Someones wig fell off whilst under anesthetic at work…(obviously they didn’t tell us)…we quickly scrabbled and picked it up off the floor there were 4 of us trying to deciper which way round it went…whilst the patient was coming round and obviously maintaining their wellbeing too…all the time wondering if it was back to front or not…
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@CurvyJilly i know someone who was at a restaurant for a works do. The guy next to her put his head in her lap, and her cigarette set his toupe alight! Apparently it was some kind of man made material not real hair!
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Some of the comments in the What grinds your gears? topic reminded me of an incident that happened when I was managing the health and beauty shop.
A mixed group of 4 teenagers about 14/15 came in and were hanging around the makeup stands after school one day (I recall it being a Friday). We used to have testers for people to be able to try.
This group were just loitering and not looking to buy anything, just messing around. I then noticed one of the boys drawing on the makeup stands with eyeliner and lipstick.
Cue me wandering over and asking him politely to clean it off, got a mouthful of sass back, so he got told to clean it off in a more firm and authoritative manner. Some grumbling and bitching followed, along with “well give me cleaning stuff then”.
By this point, I’m pissed off with them so he gets told no, he made the mess, he figures out how to clean it up, use his school shirt sleeve if necessary. He did, saying that his mum would come in and have a go at me blah blah blah. I replied with thats fine, if she comes in and wants to know why her son has makeup on his sleeve I’ll tell her why.
Funnily enough, no parent ever came in.
It’s probably a good job I don’t work in retail anymore
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Another thread reminded me of this…when i worked in the butchers as a kid, i worked with a bit of a Hypochondriac, HE was always suffering from some imaginary ailment. There was a doctor’s surgery just across the road, and in those days you could just walk in and ask for a same day appointment.
This particular day, HE was griping about a bad stomach ache, so the boss suggested HE go over to the surgery and ask for a Smear Test! Needless to say, he came storming back calling us all manner of offensive names! Strangely, it stopped his Hypochndria!
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I used to do training in the prison service a while ago and walked through the main gate with out the desk clerk taking my tally not a good start to my day. Did they enjoy your have a good weekend statement ? I bet they got up to a fair bit of fun and games
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I was reminded of this the other day…when i had my Saturday/after school job in a butcher’s shop. In the school holidays i’d work a couple of weekdays and the boss would send me across to the newsagents to buy The Financial Times and The Sun. He’d then stand in the shop reading The Sun inserted into the centre of The Financial Times to impress the customers! Even as a kid i thought he was a poser! 
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